I would just like to say a few things before I start my day and end up too tired to do anything. I didn’t chose to have my disability. It is not a choice. Neither is it a flaw of my character because that would be a choice. I don’t know what others said about various events but I have not lied on the things that I was actually kept informed about. I wasn’t kept informed about much and there were things going on in the background with my support service that certainly wasn’t helping me find out information. After I ceased working with them because it got to the point where I ended up telling them to leave, I was threatened that if I repeated what had happened behind the scenes out there I’d get punished. They kept everything from me. There was a lot of in-house disputes between the staff and manager. I’m not here to make a judgement over that. Things weren’t passed onto me. It was the same at every point of my life when I looked awful.
I can’t act the way I’m supposed to if I am not aware of full facts. Unlike someone without learning disabilities and Asperger’s, I do not in fact naturally know what is expected of me.
I’m sick of having a disability where people bully and ridicule me for not knowing things socially. That bullying and ridicule has caused me other problems and now I have a fear of people which doesn’t help with acting appropriately. I may never be able to ever have a relationship because of the intense fear my experiences have left behind. Especially, this last one. I’m older now so it’s left emotional scars.
I have tried to explain my disability for others to be able to understand and cease looking at me as evil. Others refuse to understand. I’ve done all that I can to try to get others to see that I have no malice in me whatsoever so I do not deserve to be bullied. All I ask for is understanding and to not be subjected to things that I do not deserve. I used to want a friend so much but now I don’t want to even go out socially because of everything that has happened. I associate being involved with anybody as putting myself in the position to be hurt and end up thrown in a police cell and court. Therefore that is why I said above that it’s highly unlikely I will ever settle down in a relationship after these experiences. If all of you that have bullied and ridiculed me for who I am really knew the details of my life behind closed doors and the inner me you’d see that I am not as I’ve been portrayed. I don’t have an evil part of me. These comments hurt me because I know that I’m not anything like I’ve been labelled. Last night is just a glimpse of how things have affected me. I’m unable to move on like his because I’m too exhausted to get college work done etc. Unlike the rest that have been demonised around here, I will not allow others to practically ‘social leper’ me.
I have always held my hands up to my faults never once denied anything. I am an authentic and genuine person. I am Shy in real life so you cannot see the real me underneath. That is partly down to how people have treated me.