I have changed so much.

I realised tonight that I have changed into an unrecognisable person from who I used to be. I used to be so trusting of others. I’m now no longer like that. I used to be so open and welcoming to others but after what has happened to me I don’t feel able to be that way now. I don’t want to discuss my life with others because people judge so much. I will not have more lies recorded about me by the system. I can only ensure that by cutting myself off from others and not discussing anything with anyone else anymore.

I can no longer believe that there is genuine good intentioned people out there because too much has happened to me to suggest otherwise. Instead of having my disability traits understood, I was used for the conviction targets around here. Those in authority are in it together. Support was funded to have me on their services whether they helped me or not. They effectively use me as a cash cow alongside the police and cps for the monetary targets. I saw proof with my own eyes as a teenager and then I ironically got sent away when I was vocal about it. There is absolutely no one out there that doesn’t let me down. It’s been like that since I was a child in the system.

Every single time you think to yourself that the person you’ve met can be trusted but no one can be trusted if you’re in the social care system. The social care system workers will try to isolate the person they’re working with from anyone around them because then they can get away with practically emotionally abusing them. The lies and everything get fed to either side to ensure that you lose anyone that matters to you as a vulnerable person under the care of the system. They don’t want any witnesses to the lies they’ve fed into documents. They’ll lie to justify how poorly you are treated as a disabled person and how your needs are ignored.

After everything I’ve been through I’m not going to be not broken. This tired incomplete mess is going to be me forever now.