When everything just feels too hard! And a warning about Paypal Credit Accounts.

I’ve just had enough today. I went for my normal walk because I couldn’t drive to the Gym due to the weather. It feels so hard with the constant tiredness. I feel too traumatised so I don’t sleep. Then my health problems make me tired on top of the tiredness from not sleeping. I need a break but I can’t have one because I have far too much to do. I am slower at all those things if I’m tired. I’m fed up of feeling tired because it’s like battling against a led force field constantly laying on top of me. I’m feeling so depressed because tiredness makes me feel down all the time. I just wish that I could have a decent nights sleep without feeling restless about everything. I am needing a full nights sleep because for a few years I haven’t been able to do that. I can’t ‘switch off ‘ like an average person.

I’m not used to having my nose pierced again yet because I keep knocking my stud out. I just don’t think and rub my nose or get it caught on my pillow in bed etc. It doesn’t help when this cold weather makes my nose run. I have lost my stud several times and always had to have it redone because it seals up within a few months. I can’t lose it at this point due to the fact that it won’t stay open if I don’t keep my stud in there at the moment. I really cannot afford to have it redone again. I am extremely financially stretched at the moment because I’m trying to pay off my credit card bill. That is going to take me a long time because I paid £200 towards it and they stick £50 interest on the outstanding balance. So it’s like me only paying £150 towards the outstanding balance. It annoys me because when I was actually using the account, they only added about £7.99 interest a month on it. I still have about £491 to pay off (it was £415 before the interest was added on to the last balance). I was told on the phone that if I paid it off in chunks of the balance owed then they wouldn’t put much interest on the balance.

They’ve put about 9.5% on the previous balance amount before the £200 was paid towards the outstanding balance. I’m never going to pay it off if I don’t get the PIP payments after they discontinue DLA payments. I’m sure that PayPal credit is taking advantage of me. I have sent them a message reminding them of what I was told by their customer service advisor on the phone when discussing repayments. They will only freeze the interest on the account if the customer misses a payment and says they are unable to pay. This would make my bill higher because they’d add £12.99 as a late payment plus the interest on the outstanding balance, so I’d still be paying off more than I actually owe now. And this would affect my credit score which may prevent me getting anything on finance (eg. mobile contracts, cars etc). I’m told that I have to find somewhere else to live by March, so if I don’t keep my name as clear as possible I’m going to end up homeless and my cats can’t come with me. If I can’t afford anything then I’m going to end up on the street. Other people with disabilities have already ended up in that position. I can’t just go get a job because no one wants to employ people with criminal records for anything now. So, congratulations to the person who knows what it feels like to not have a home, because of what they’ve put on my record I’ll never gain employment.

And this bill is mostly related to that situation too because the psychic’s website cleared me out. They gave me false hope and they were the reason why I wouldn’t stop bugging the other person. They made believe that the other person cared about me and that one day they’d get in contact with me. It was complete and utter lies and now I may end up with nothing and not be able to get myself out of that hole because of the circumstances it has led me into. It’s only recently that the psychics I was using developed a conscience and told me the person didn’t care about anyone but themselves and that they wouldn’t admit to themselves that they’d wronged me whatsoever. It is terrible that I was lied to for two years and they took all my money. I won’t have anything soon. If I had the option not to move it would take the pressure off a vast amount, however, the landlord can’t afford to keep the property so I have to move out for him to sell it. I can’t save a deposit for another place and be able to pay off the credit account in three months, especially if PIP refuse to give me any of that benefit.