I have found out why I was feeling progressively more tired. I was informed that I am yet again anemic. I’ve been told to go back on my iron tablets and if my monthlies go like they were again I have to inform them to sort it otherwise I’m going to go through this cycle again and again. I was starting to see the physical effects of it again. I always get crumbly nails and they’ve been breaking at a stupid rate recently. I kept the iron tablets in case I needed them and I get told to go on and off of them as required depending on blood test results. I do feel that it was all down to stress though because I have been monitoring things and it has always kicked off when life has been at it’s most stressful. I’m sensitive in many ways. If I literally feel things via energy around me, then it is highly likely that stress can trigger that response from my body. It is highly annoying because I end up not wanting to feel anything in case it affects me intensely. I can’t help feeling things intensely and I pass this on via my personality. I wish I wasn’t like that because that is why I can get too much for others.
There’s nothing I’d much rather be in the world than a person who can blend in. I don’t want to stand out because then I wouldn’t be singled out and feel that I have to make an effort to be normal. I am quite a private person in some respects. There are some things about myself that I’d never talk about regardless how long I have known them. I like to keep a bit of myself as a mystery. I don’t want others thinking that this part of me is awful because it certainly isn’t. I rarely show my feelings. I do not open up to others about how I feel much because I don’t trust them. It doesn’t matter how trustworthy others have proven themselves to be. I just don’t really trust anyone whatsoever. That is because of my experiences, especially my earlier life where I was severely let down more than I was later on. I don’t want others to make assumptions about me, but at the same time, I don’t want others coming up with things that simply aren’t true. I do not have to answer any questions that I do not wish to share the answers to. I was a shy child/teenager and that didn’t give them the right to just write what they assumed in my notes. I wouldn’t talk to social workers and others in authority because I simply have never trusted them and it’s proven that I was right not to do so after everything I’ve dug up. I am still quite shy to a certain point, but I will fight my anxiety to say something when I know it needs saying now. That takes me sometimes days to work up the courage and control my anxiety levels to be able to do that.
I’m always going to be a little shy and reserved. That is how I am face to face. I’m okay in written form, however, I am getting lazy in that department since I shook loose of my OCD part. I have to force myself to type a blog entry per night because it’s an effort. I spend a huge amount of my day reading my GCSE law revision and answering mock questions to ensure that I can at least get a C in the exam. Then, I’m also practicing what I need to know for my Maths exams and this changes from level to level so that is also quite a lot of effort. After all that I just want to sleep. There have been times this week where I have written this blog on my phone because I couldn’t even be bothered to log on to my laptop.
I’m having a rest today because it is far too cold to go for a walk. I only walked to the doctors and back which is only 20 minutes either way. It felt like walking through air as cold as ice. I should start to feel less tired when my iron tablets start to work so hopefully tomorrow I’ll be feeling better and ready to get myself to the Gym. I’m hoping that it doesn’t snow because my Gym is a 20-minute drive away from my house. I might not be able to get back home if we get a lot suddenly. That is very unlikely to happen because apparently, we haven’t had proper deep snow here since a few years before I was born and that was thirty-something years ago. I remember deep snow in Coventry when I was little because my Dad had to dig the car out of the snow at my Nana’s house. I don’t have much memory of it because I was only about 2 but we have photos and I have a slight recollection of it. I’ve always hated the cold that is most probably why I remember it.
And, on that note. I found these photos while I was clearing out my utility room (storage room). I got to keep them when we cleared my Nana and Grandad’s house out after my Nana passed away. I’m no good at dating the fashions, but the females in these photos look like they’re wearing 1900s type dresses.