Medication is useless.

I can’t even sleep with medication now. They don’t stop me thinking and knowing that others have got away with leaving the situation as it is. I cannot stand how it is and that is why I kept breaking the restraining order. It was distressing me. And now I will get imprisoned if I break it again. I now have to live with the distress night after night being unable to end the order. I’m exhausted during the day and, despite my antidepressants, I feel miserable. I got something in the post today about the fines I’m paying for compensation to the other party and that makes me even more angry and distressed.

I was discriminated against and I’m paying compensation to the other party when I was originally the injured party. I only said the ‘vile’ things because I was pushed after I was treated inhumanly by the university and my support service. I’m not bothered if I upset anyone. I was treated awfully because all the way through my needs were ignored and I was making those needs heard.

Regardless of what others refuse to acknowledge, they did ruin my life. I’m never going to have a career now with all this bullsh*t on my name. I’m having my money cut by half because pip will most likely not let me have anything. Others earn more than I get on my benefits per year. This is basically robbing the poor and giving it to the privileged rich bastards who have everything ! The fact that I have fully sworn on this entry displays how angry I am.

I barely have enough to live in and I’m paying someone that has all the luxuries I won’t ever get! I was discriminated against ans they just stood there and let it happen! Then they wondered why I said what I said to them after I was kicked out of university. I’m not a nasty person. I was pushed extremely hard. By all means have the order indefinitely but don’t make me pay compensation too because that is to fair. I don’t even deserve the order and I lay awake every night thinking this nightmare will never end. I get too distressed to sleep and I can’t  take it anymore.