A few weeks ago, you may recall me saying that I was digging information up which is held about my past by various parts of the council and other places (inc. PNC information). Well, I have now completed this task. And, I know absolutely everything, even the bits that others think I couldn’t possibly uncover. I have my ways and resources to be able to get bits of information forwarded to me. I actually did very little of the digging myself. The local authority and police records have lied about me. I cannot prove that they are lies because in some cases I have no witnesses and, in other cases, my witnesses have since passed away. I was a quiet shy child with Autism. I was never a danger or a threat to anyone. I now know why no one would diagnose me within this area. I was never supposed to receive a diagnosis because all along they were planning to give me to the police to use as a conviction target (the system passes people they think are no-hopers to use as police target fodder). If they give those individuals a diagnosis and early intervention (it was obvious I was Autistic as a young child from reading the notes) then their problems will go away before adulthood and subsequently they can’t use that individual as a conviction target when they reach 18. The police tricked my parents by telling them that they were the only ones that could help me. I was helping them by lining their pockets with bonus cash from the conviction targets.
I was disposed of away from the area when I got them in my hands and was going to release them to the public via a media outlet. I will not be blatantly used as a ‘cash cow’ and let them blacken my name. I admit that I am not perfect. But, absolutely no one can ever say that they’ve not done terrible things in their life, especially in anger (it’s common as a younger person). I’m only 30 and I want people to see that I only retaliated to the discrimination I suffered as a person with Asperger Syndrome and learning disabilities. I was shy so I couldn’t retaliate like a ‘normal person’. I’m too timid to physically hit a person. I retaliated in the written word. Everyone who has ever been severely annoyed by others not understanding their disability or point of view can most probably relate to their brain not engaging properly before the angry words came out of their mouth. That is exactly the same when my brain was angry and what I typed didn’t sound the same in my brain as when it was written in an email etc. I don’t know what they expect us to do if we get discrimination. I’m not the type to just ‘sit there and take it’.
I get so fed up with people openly discriminating and getting away with it. They only get away with it because others just cannot understand either Asperger Syndrome or learning disabilities separately, let alone when someone has both conditions co-morbidly existing together. It’s taken me a long time to be able to talk to people face to face, but I still haven’t got how to communicate on the same level as a neurotypical person. I could be explaining a concept completely understandable to me, but they just aren’t ‘getting it’.
I am not the person that the lies I’ve uncovered portray! I wish to make that perfectly clear now. I have been through absolute hell because of lies put on file about me. I can’t get them removed because legally I cannot prove that they are lies. I am a very honest person. I would outrightly admit my mistakes and I always have done that. If any of the stuff I uncovered was true, then I wouldn’t be making this statement and warning others that this kind of crap goes on towards children and vulnerable adults within the system. I’m sure I’m not the only one that has a file full of lies in the system about them. These things have already lost me a child. And, due to those lies, the adopters may never get in contact, despite my letter, because they’ll believe those lies. If they somehow see this blog entry. I assure them that I am a victim of the system and the lies that they tell. I know a lot of guilty people say the same line. However, look at how honest I have always been to the point where I’ve actually shot myself in the foot because I cannot lie. And this is a major quality in some respects, in others it lets me down because in life you have to white lie to get out of awkward situations… and I cannot do that. It’s a common Aspie trait and with learning disabilities as well, I sometimes don’t realise that telling someone how it is or how I exactly feel is most likely inappropriate. I’m not a bad person. I’m disabled, but that shouldn’t be an issue because, with the help of this changes programme I’m on, I’m starting to become more ‘normal’, so my disability isn’t so noticeable in any area anymore and I can blend in. Therefore I will not be an embarrassment or an annoyance anymore. I have a restraining order on me that I don’t really deserve and most likely lies were put in front of the magistrates about me to make them see me as a danger.
I am NOT a danger to anyone. I don’t care what the lies say. I am not. And, I refuse to let them lie about me anymore without saying something on a public forum about it. I know what their plans were. I touched on those plans above. They may have been able to pull the wool over the eyes of my parents, but I’m more intelligent and attune with the modern world than they were. I think it is disgusting that you are putting blatant lies in disabled people’s files turning them into malicious individuals when they have an illness which has no malicious intent whatsoever. I do not believe that the restraining order will ever be dropped (despite what I’ve been told to pacify me). As a child/adult in the system, you get used to people saying they’ll do things and it doesn’t materialise. I got angry that someone broke their promises. I wouldn’t forgive them for a long time after I got kicked out the university (something they promised never to do, as well as promising never to go to the police because of my asperger traits). I had a right to be angry at that time, but I feel like I have and still am being overly punished for that due to the indefinite order.
Okay, I broke the first 18 months one, but I was only breaking it because I really wanted to go back to the university, however, my support service told me to go and tell them I didn’t want to go back. There was no attempt to sort out the situation properly or listen to what I was trying to tell them. I was made to say something that I knew in my heart that I never wanted. Of course, this is going to upset me and make me react. I was severely let down by those that were supposed to look after my interests and advocate my wishes. I was instead told that I had to not fight the permanent exclusion (only had a limited time to do so and once I made that decision there was no going back). I have lived a lie for the last three years when I knew where I really wanted to be and what I wanted to be doing. I told my support how I felt but they wouldn’t listen to me. That resulted in what I said to the tutor that started this whole situation off. I was pushed and pushed so hard. If I could have two things for Christmas it would be the restraining order taken off or at least varying so that it is on its original time limit. And, also some form of contact with my son. Both of which I won’t be granted because everyone has the wrong opinion of me due to lies in my son’s case.