Stressed… sorting arrangments out.

I have had the most stressful day despite not leaving my home. I was trying to sort my maths course issue out. Told them my issue and they said that they may be able to work around it. I’ve heard no reply since I emailed back the dates I cannot attend on a Tuesday. I’m not able to get out of the change group. If I don’t go to that I could get locked up. Rar days (rehab activity days) are your punishment, not a choice. It’s only thanks to sheer luck that I didn’t get a prison sentence because a woman from probation told the court that there was an alternative. I think I am actually changing even though I thought that I wouldn’t because I had an illness and I’ve literally tried so many therapies to become the expected norm. And, when I was diagnosed, I was told that there was no hope of me improving because I was already an adult… basically telling me it was too late. 

I also managed to get  my exam closer to home at a nearby college and it happened to be cheaper than doing it at the other centre where I went last year to take biology exam (so much in the middle of nowhere that I nearly missed the turning every time I went there earlier on this year). It saves on petrol as well as exam fees. I had to take my IGCSE at an independent centre last year because only independent education establishments do the IGCSE equivalents. You pay the price to use independent education places though and if I’d have found any other option then I wouldn’t have chosen that centre.

The chain of my new lucky charm necklace broke today. I don’t have much luck with them staying intact, let alone luck in general. It’s only recently my lucky charms have kept breaking, and the one that broke today is a new one. I can most likely fix the chain by adding a link I have in my jewellery making things (not done any of that for a while). I did my two-hour walk earlier. I still have a swollen knee but it’s nearly better now and I have only done a two-hour walk twice this week (normally I aim for at least daily during the weekdays, not much at weekends – occasionally a Saturday). It looks completely different compared to the other knee though. It’s quite nobbly and wouldn’t look very attractive in a skirt at the moment. Then a photo from 2015 comes up on screen and it makes me feel extremely crap that I do not look as I did back then. I was much skinnier than I am now. I was ill and I’m still quite tired. Hopefully one day I will look like that again.