I managed to pass my Maths exam. I’m relieved because I did find some bits quite hard. The things I knew that I was going to struggle with was the parts I found difficult. I have my functional skills level 1 in Jan/Feb time and if I pass that part I can move on to level 2. We sometimes have to spend time in pre-entry level 2 class depending on how the tutor has assessed our skills (whether they deem us ready for the higher level or not). If all goes well, I will be able to redo my GCSE Maths in September next year. I think I will be ok enough not to have to do pre-entry. There are certain things I used to struggle with quite badly that I can just do automatically now. I’m going to get my Law GCSE and Maths Level 1 and hopefully level 2 this year. I want to do redo my English skills too. I know that people say I write quite well, but my understanding isn’t the same level. I know that this was through lack of schooling. I no longer agree with my learning disability diagnosis. I don’t feel like I have learning disabilities. I feel that I can reach the intelligence/functioning level for my age or at least function and have the intellectual depth of an adult… not a child. I feel that if I’d have had the right education then I’d not be backward.
If they’d be aware of Autism more when I was growing up and I’d have been sent to special school then I think that I would have grown up to have a normal life without being labeled as a criminal etc. I’m not denying my disability or anything. I just don’t see myself as disabled anymore. I never thought that I had the ability to learn things I couldn’t do and to learn how to function in the way that everyone takes for granted. I was always told that I would never be able to function as ‘normal’ by the services. I was told certain things so much that I started to believe that I was exactly the way others were stating. I used to be cool with my disability defining me. But, now I do not want that. I’m not a female who is diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. I’m Em. There is a person underneath my disability traits. I know that is hard to see for others because I overshadow those things with aspects of my disability when they kick off in a major way. If others got to know me and I calmed down (this takes a while because of the life I’ve had) then my disability really wouldn’t be an issue because others wouldn’t notice it.
The next part of this is quite difficult for me to write because of my personal experiences. I feel that certain things need to be said in regards to the baby girl that was murdered by her adoptive father. I find it absolutely disgusting that the birth family wasn’t told until at least 8 months after the toddler had been dead. The legalities may state that after adoption the links are severed because legally the child becomes a belonging to the adoptive parents. However, this is classed as exceptional circumstances. If this had happened to my son (no offense to his adopters, it’s just a hypothetical), then I would have liked to have known soon after it had happened, not 8 months down the line. They most likely only told the birth family because they would have found out after it was reported in the news, these types of cases always get reported in the media. I want to say a few things now that I have never said before in regards to my own situation relating to what happened with my son. They said in an article I read in relation to this story that the Mother could not care for the child because she ‘had a chaotic lifestyle’. I would just like to point out that the tactics and ways that social services work, leads the most vulnerable within our society into a chaotic lifestyle. As regular readers will be aware, I used to live down south. I was happy and I was settled there. I NEVER wanted to come back to the county where I grew up. However, I was not given a choice. I was threatened with my baby be taken at birth for historical reasons. And then told that I had to move in with my Mother to keep my son. Social services know that there are issues between myself and my Mother which meant that this arrangement wouldn’t work. They bought on my behaviour issues in a major way because of threatening me into that position. They made what should have been a joyful occasion into a nightmare. I was sent to my Mums for help and support but she never helped me with my son. She complained about not liking his crying and never took him for a few hours to give me a break. She wouldn’t go out with me to walk my son in the pram/pushchair (and I couldn’t do it on my own because I wasn’t allowed to be on my own with him due to social services stating this). I didn’t deserve to lose my son because I was put in a position where sooner or later it would have failed and that was more due to how my Mother was rather than me. I was so stressed and depressed due to the pressure and lack of support that I ended up crying most of the time my son was at home with us. I’d probably have succeeded if they’d sent me to a Mother and baby unit etc. I know that people are very wary of those places but at least I could have asked for help to get things right enough to not lose him. After he got taken into foster care. I just knew they’d go for adoption. The other girls at the centre we went to visit our children at tipped me off. I tried to tell everyone around me that they were going to steal my baby for adoption but they wouldn’t listen. I was told that I was being irrational and it was just anxiety talking. There’s not one person that believed me or helped me to try to keep him and they wouldn’t let my Mum have him. As far as chaotic lifestyle goes, I had a stable secure life until I was forced to move back to this area by threats from children’s services. I still lost my son because I was put in an impossible position and now stuck in an area I can’t feel safe and secure in.
In regards to me just knowing things and others completely ignoring me. I have proven on many of an occasion that I can feel things that are going to happen. Those bad things normally happen because people ignore my concerns at the time. I can even remember mentioning to various people about things that have since occurred. Those things could have been avoided if people had listened. I pick things up. I wouldn’t repeat it to others unless I was trying to prevent things going completely pear-shaped. I wasn’t being an irrational stress head for nothing. There are so many things which could have been prevented if others had just listened to me. I think everyone will now see that things have turned out the way I predicted things. I didn’t want them to end up that way. And, seriously, I don’t want things to stay like this long term.
I will finish with a scam warning. A few of us that are TalkTalk customers got a phone call earlier today. It was a recorded message stating that our router has to be changed because it’s been compromised by I.P’s from several countries. Press one to speak to an operator. I don’t know much about computers, but this is a scam. This isn’t from TalkTalk. They will NEVER ring customers. If something like this happened then they’d most likely send out letters. There were thousands of customers details hacked a while back. None of us targeted today pressed one to continue, but what would likely happen if you did would be they’d ask you to provide card details to buy a new router. NEVER give your card details over the phone to sales agents if they phone you out of the blue in this way. If you’re ordering something officially and phoning their sales line then that is the only time you should ever consider doing that.