I am going to play devil’s advocate and proceed to disagree with the point about us not being able to retain information when we are told something. It is written in my files and it is something I strongly disagree with because it works both ways. Every situation consists of one or more people. They aren’t all on the spectrum and this is where my dispute of this supposed fact starts. Others do NOT listen and they wonder why things go wrong. I’m in a situation that is irreparable unless others agree to work with me rather than against me because others didn’t listen when they were supposed to listen. I’m hoping that this will come once I can try to convince others via whatever method (blog etc) that I was judged wrongly and punished unnecessarily with long time lifetime things that I didn’t deserve. I am in obsessive mode over this so I will dissect every little detail to ensure that I prove my actual innocence and that it was based on how I was treated and others perceptions. And, I know that they’ll not have put things down correctly to make themselves look like they did nothing wrong if investigated. I was set up from both the university side and my support. I was told by my support not to fight the exclusion and the university got away with what they did because of me not going back to fight it. I wanted to but my support demanded that I go tell them I didn’t want to go back. That was the only time I was ever nasty beyond my character. I was pushed and I wish people would believe me and not leave these things on my name forever. I will NEVER accept them because I am a person that can’t accept anything that is wrong on so many levels.
I cannot be expected to get over this situation and be left like this indefinitely. I have tried to move on but I cannot do so because I know that the situation is too wrong and if it is left like it is then I will get a mental illness. It isn’t fair to inflict a mental illness on someone when a situation can be sorted out (its just getting the system and parties to do so). There is no need for that person to develop a mental illness when the situation could be fixable. I honestly think that our system and its inflexibility to fully accommodate individual circumstances into its decision making is a huge factor in the increase of mental illness in the UK. We have the highest percentage of mental illness after the USA and both of our systems are similar. The rules and regulations residents of those countries have to live by are increasingly starting to look like a dictatorship. Even some American’s have commented that they cannot believe our system have so much of a say over our lives. The things I heard in that court the other month when I was in the cells (you hear a lot more behind the scenes if you are the type that listens to every single thing), e.g. there was a polish woman in the prison van we were going to court in, she was talking to another prisoner. She was arrested for going to see her young daughter because a court order said she wasn’t allowed. She’d done nothing wrong but get involved in something. Before the Blair years, courts wouldn’t have got involved themselves in people’s lives to the degree that they do now. Instead of adding all the new legislation, we need to have a strip back to basics to make this a more bearable country to live in again. The older generations don’t know how lucky they were not to grow up in our current modern day system. We had to grow up making mistakes due to lack of experience, but in our modern day society, the system wrote down all our mistakes and tallied them into either a criminal label or diagnosis of a condition. George Orwell wrote 1984 in 1944. Apparently, he actually had inside knowledge that there were plans to introduce some form of dictatorship to our system because he had close links with someone who worked within the houses of parliament. I hold my hands up here and admit that I’ve heard about the book 1984 but have never read it so I cannot comment on specifics.
We (those of us on the spectrum) may be accused of not being able to retain information. However, this isn’t the case. We retain but others do not listen to the fact that we do not have the ‘normal’ ability to carry out the task. It is like you’re talking to others but they just have no ability to hear what you’re saying. I hate being looked at as an awful person because I know that others refused to listen to me at the time. And none of my situation had to be but for the fact that no one listened to me. The one size fits all policy’s in front of them doesn’t do what it says on the tin. I was decent, open and honest and I was subsequently screwed for that. And then when I did finally get angry because of feeling let down and actually broke, they put it in the police’s hands. It is very difficult to ever get things back that you’ve lost once the police are involved. They are the start of the dictatorship ladder. I am absolutely fed up of others having a negative opinion about me because of what I was pushed to say by the way I was treated by the university and my support combined at the time. I hate conflict, this is why I don’t stick up for myself because fighting with another just seems so unpleasant for me. I take things extremely personally (this is due to my past experiences) and it doesn’t make any situation any better. I can’t stand by and not say anything though. I hold my hands up to the mistakes that I’ve made.
I’m a decent person and I realise that I shouldn’t make decisions when I’m stressed and highly emotional because whatever comes out my mouth has no filter or control. I only have my OCD issues when I get highly emotional. I am fine when I’m chilled but when things aren’t dealt with efficiently then that stresses me out and kicks my OCD traits off. This is the exact thing that the university and support weren’t doing and I was in the middle getting threatened that I’d lose someone who I never wanted to lose, and even more importantly, my university placement. There was absolutely no teamwork and that is basically what our system lacks nowadays. I have no family that I can truly rely on due to the circumstances I was born into. I see those I meet as a sort of extended family. There are people I’m not related to that I’d say are more like siblings than my actual half-siblings. I relied on others to make the right decisions and not demonise me for my issues, but they severely let me down. I have to live a lie every single day because all I want is to be able to go back to that university to study what I previously studied. And the restraining order took off. But the system has made sure so much has happened that it would be uncomfortable for both of us that were involved to be able to act as if all that happened hadn’t happened. The system does this on purpose because they use psychology in their system planning.
I now have to live a lie for the rest of my life on a path that I absolutely despise. I can’t have the person I really wanted in my life and restart the degree that I wanted more than ever. The Psychology degree idea was just me attempting to ‘move on’. But, I know that none of that or any of my current life is what I really wanted and it’s becoming harder and harder not to resent that. I just want the system and others to do the right thing and I know I nagged people but it’s important to me, more than they will ever know.