I don’t feel 30 but the world is starting to seem different to me. I’m extremely tired because I cannot sleep at night right now. I try very hard to sleep but I am unable to even nap during the day now. I’ve got a very busy week and enjoying my rest while I can get time to myself. I say time to myself…there is always a cat either sleeping next to me or sitting next to me cleaning itself etc. They are no problem compared to interaction with other humans though. I can actually relate to my cats more than other humans. They have absolutely no hidden agenda and genuinely love you, unlike a lot of humans who always have their own agenda and want to get something out of a relationship to suit their personal needs.
The cats don’t have all the social rules of human interaction. It is so much simpler to communicate with them. I can be at my absolute worse and the cats will just come around me and love me unconditionally (as long as they got fed of course, especially when it comes to Dave). They don’t demand the things that other human beings do from one another. They trust me 100%. Mimi will just place herself into my arms when I’m napping and snuggle up. She is tiny so she will snuggle herself into anywhere small. I’ve seen her get into my duvet covers through the tiniest of a gap you’d never think would work. I get a bit concerned when she does that because I think that she may get stuck when I’m not at home. I’m probably worrying too much because they’re like children to me. They have to make their own mistakes and if she gets stuck then she’ll learn that she can’t possibly fit into that space. Mister licked something that was hot in the kitchen when he was a kitten. He never did it again and won’t go near things that have just come out of the oven now. I told him not to go near it originally, but he did. He had to make those mistakes in order to not do that type of thing again.
Animals are better at this kind of sort of thing than we are as humans. We can go back several times and make the same mistakes. We don’t learn straight away. I can when my feelings aren’t involved. The only thing that really holds me back from completely changing is the emotional connections and links that I’ve felt towards situations. I hate being unable to change circumstances that I do not feel happy in. The things that have been causing me to end up in tears are things that I cannot change because they are decisions that will have to be made by other people. The choices that I want others to make is most likely not going to be what final decision they will arrive at. I don’t want things to be irreparably long term. I never wanted to be on bad terms with anyone. I don’t own up to being in the wrong often because my Asperger’s doesn’t make it easy for me to see things from another persons point of view. I realise now that I was wrong about everything and treated the other person unfairly. I was only thinking about myself and my own needs. I never considered anything else.