Dumb vs. Intelligent both at the same time.

I am tired so I apologise in advance if I don’t make sense at any point. I’ve had one of those days where one minute I am quite intelligent, however, I am equally as dumb. I got up late which didn’t start my day off very well. I had to get to my Maths class and only just got there for the right time. I was absolutely shattered but I managed to improve on some of the Maths. I can do the working out so much faster than previously. I’m not able to get extra time for the upcoming exam because I’ve already been entered in and it’s too late to rearrange everything. I quit and then un-quit. I think I’ll manage it. I have to believe that I’m able to pull it off because confidence in abilities helps a vast amount when learning new things. I’ve never had the confidence when it’s come to numbers. I do not believe that I am doing the right working out, even if I am completely correct with what I am putting down. I also lose concentration and then completely lose my train of thought. I know that this kind of thing is going to be disastrous during an exam. I managed to do my IGCSE Biology exam without needing extra time. I go through the question papers and do all the ones that I am sure I know the answer to, then I go back over the ones I left and at least put something down relevant to what it is talking about. I have managed to create a Filofax type thinking pattern. One topic links by a word etc. It’s complicated to explain, however it works. 

Anyway, in regards to intelligence vs. dumb in just a space of a few hours. I got my law GCSE assignment mark back, which was 77%. It is my lowest score yet but torts etc isn’t my strongest subject. And then, a very dumb thing, possibly the dumbest thing of the whole day, was when I forgot the car was that low on petrol that it was hovering just over the red line. I do not normally get to the point where I let the car go that low. I was planning on catching the bus today… until I got up late and literally didn’t have the time to wait for buses. I managed to get to the city and back hovering just above that red line. I honestly do not know how I did it, but I managed it. I felt extremely nervous driving back watching the dial planning how I was going to call out the breakdown service if the engine cut out. I could have filled up nearer the city but it is expensive there.

I heard about that gun siege in Nuneaton yesterday. It was all over social media before the news reported it. It’s quite scary to think that things like that are happening where I used to go as a child. There would have been families there with children on a Sunday. I hear that it is all sorted now. I didn’t mention it in last night’s entry because there had been no updates on what was going on etc. I was born over there and so was my son. That is how close I live to the place where it was happening. I think some of my family came from over there too a few generations ago. It’s not a place that you’d expect something like that to happen. If I’d had still had my son then I may have taken him over there at the weekend to the bowling alley or cinema because he’d be getting to that age where he’d like to go out to places like that. Age appropriate films of course. And at the time of day that happened then, there would be PGs and U’s on at the Odean Cinema. To be quite honest I don’t recognise the area that I grew up in anymore. It doesn’t look the same. They’ve built new things and changed the landscape completely in the actual town I was brought up in.

I’m going to be 30 years old tomorrow. That has gone extremely fast. I feel like I should only be 20. I don’t feel like a 30-year-old! I keep getting told that I’m really young by those older than me. I never imagined myself at this age. It’s just quite weird and I feel like I have nothing to show for it because of how my life has been. I’m still behind for my age and probably will remain that way for the majority of my life.