Tired :(

I should have really have been for a nap by now. I’ve literally been running around all day. I had an early start because I had to go to the probation group. I was nearly late because I slept through my alarm. I have no idea how I made it just on time but I did. The rushing around has been quite painful due to my knee. I can feel the fluid throbbing above my knee cap. I know that I said I would quit the painkillers, but seriously, I cannot do that right now else I’d be in too much pain. I will try when it’s finally better. When it gets better… And, I really should be using my crutches, however, I find hobbling around to be quite a lot less hassle. I am sure that I would get used to them, but I’ve never had to use them before. I could go to the GP for anti inflammatory medication but I hate going there because I don’t find them helpful and would like to move Gp, however, I’ve not had time to start that process.

I got home to a very hyper cat. He’s slapping and chasing the others and running around like he’s in a race or something. He’s also very vocal. He nearly started a fight with Dave (the cat that just randomly moved in with me). I  had to drag Dave away from him because it was getting quite aggressive. I’m not afraid of getting scratched. They both respect my authority. But, Mister is seriously getting trying today. They don’t normally misbehave this badly. I know that cats are able to pick things up, but nothing is up around here as far as I know. It is difficult with Mister and Dave both being tom cats because they compete. Mister knows that he was here first. But, Dave tries to assume leadership because he is older than both of my cats. Mimi and Mister growl at him if he goes to close. It is quite funny when my two cats are play fighting and they just stop when Dave walks up to them. I have to stop them at that point because Dave will start on them. They get on ok only by avoiding each other. They all have their own sleeping areas. Mister and Mimi are normally on my bed and Dave has a particular spot on the bedroom floor. It somehow works and this was something I never thought would work on a long term basis. It was never my intention to keep Dave, but I grew attached to him and now he runs up to me every time I get home meowing at me, so there’s no going back. I just walked in the other room and found him asleep on the sofa.

I’ve gone to lie in my bed because it feels nice to be able to relax. I’m glad it’s half term. I’m still revising for college exams but not got to actually attend lessons this week due to half term. I desperately need the break. I sometimes work from my bed. I was doing the fledgling feedback earlier from my laptop while relaxing on my bed. I’m just beyond tired because I have so much to do right now. I know that I have to pass certain exams to progress to the next stage of education and this seems impossible at the moment. I am sure that I have the maths equivalent of dyslexia because I just can’t work some of it out. Even when I have learned a new part, I forget it again. I heard that even those with good mathematical abilities aren’t doing a level in the subject anymore because it’s got so hard. I’ve not even got to a level yet! I was going to do a level English literature and language alongside psychology  in order to get my grades to enter university university undergraduate level, but I’m sure they’ve made that harder too. That is why the Access to higher education courses are so popular. If I’ve absolutely had enough of exams etc when I’ve finally got my required gcses then I may opt for the access option. I’d love to do a level but I would also like to get an undergraduate degree in psychology sooner rather than later because I still want to do post graduate afterwards before I get too old. If the next 30 years go by as quickly as the previous, I will be 60 and nearing retirement age (if you still have a retirement option by that point).

There may be an illusion that you have time as a younger person. You don’t because years go by so fast and before you know it, most of your life has gone. I am only 30 next week, but so many people older than me have said the above. It’s extremely sad because life seems to take so much more away than it gives. Take my dad, for instance, life gave him many years of severe disability. It only gave him 62 years here. He never got to meet his first full blood grandchild (my sisters and their children were only related by marriage, not blood) and only got to see his child grow up until the age of 22. That isn’t fair. And he wasn’t the type to hurt anyone. So, there’s the perfect example of life fleeting by and being over so quickly. I wasn’t born until my dad was 40. By today’s standards that isn’t old for a first time parent now.  However, back in the 80s it was seen as quite late to start having children. That is why I have the attitude which revolves around wanting to aim for goals ASAP. You never know what tomorrow is going to bring. Okay, I have an inclin because of the dreams I’ve always got, but in general, we don’t have a clue.