Physically falling apart… : S

I spent most of the day in bed because I woke up with a horrendous migraine. It’s due to my sinuses being blocked up. I took some Sudafed so that I can try to clear my head so that my migraine goes away. It’s a bit better because I’ve been blowing my nose a lot. I can still feel it slightly. I wouldn’t communicate with anyone earlier. I didn’t reply to any Facebook messages and totally ignored my phone ringing until much later today. I was quite rude and abrupt to some people but I really felt like death… I do apologise for that though. I’m also having to contend with my bad knee for the last week. I didn’t want to move today because it is an effort to walk properly at the moment without a migraine on top of it. 

I didn’t need to catch up with a lot because it’s half term this week, so I have less pressure regarding commitments which revolve around college lessons. I do still need to revise at some point because I have my first Maths exam a few weeks after we get back. I’m halfway through my law assignment. I’m finishing the last few questions of that later. The deadline is tomorrow, so I will just make it. 

I have an extremely unsympathetic Mother. I was sent out to go clean my car inside and out for the MOT tomorrow. It is hard on my knee trying to do things like that. It’s not as swollen as when I got up, but it is still up quite a lot. I was hoping that it would have gone down by now, but it looks like I will have to go to the GP and get my usual medication to make it go down. I’ve tried putting up and not doing exercises on it so much. However, it seems to just go down a bit and then go right back up again. There is no fluid actually disappearing on a permanent basis.

I need to get back to the Gym because I’m paying for a membership I cannot use at the moment. I also don’t want to keep paying for something that isn’t giving me weight loss results. I need to start using it more to see whether it is going to help me lose the stone I wish to lose. Or it might be the 30’s weight spread thing that others older than me have been winding me up about. The fact that whether I do means I’ll be naturally widening into a few sizes larger. I’m not quite there until next week, so I’m not saying that I’m 30 yet. 29!!!! I’m clinging to my 20’s until about 9pm because I wasn’t born until the evening. That kind of makes sense because I have been naturally a night person. I am an awful morning person. My son and father were born in the morning and both of them seemed better in the early hours of the day. In my younger days (seems like a lifetime ago now), I was still out at 4am and not tired whatsoever.

I can naturally sleep a lot easier during the day and perhaps if I do manage to work one day, maybe I would prefer to work nights. I don’t get so tired when I have that sleep pattern. In actual fact, I do not get tired if I’m on the go 24/7. I can’t give myself time to feel tired otherwise I get lazy and feel like slacking off. I’m a really hard worker when I’m in the mood and I’m not ill. But it’s so hard not to get lazy when you feel like crap and see no future for me at this time. I can’t focus because I’m distracted over things that have gone on recently. It’s going to take me a long time to get over things, sometimes I feel that I never will move on from how hurt I am feeling. It just seems like nothing has ever gone right for me. Even when it has, things have been short-lived and then turned to bad luck again. I’m tired of trying and not actually progressing. I try so hard to try to achieve things, and then I do, but then they are cruelly snatched away from me again.