I cannot express how lovely it’s been to have a free day this week. I needed this time to myself. I did some housework, but to be honest I will need to redecorate before it looks half decent in here. It looks grubby in places that need repainting etc. And, just looking in my storage cupboard (utility room) makes me feel tired. It is a collection of stuff I’ve accumulated over the years. I know that I won’t use half of the things in there ever again but it’s not being too overwhelmed to clean it out.
And, can I just add something to the entry I wrote about having to say something the other day? They’re calling for a ‘stalkers register’. I do not want to be put on that kind of list for my issues relating to my Autism and learning disabilities…. and this could easily happen because they group harassment with stalking now. I have NEVER followed anyone and I NEVER would. I have better things to do with my time. I even regret the time I spent trying to communicate with those that didn’t want to be friends with me because I feel like that was a waste of my life. It is even more of a waste of my life since I found out that I was ill because it’s not like anyone is actually going to come around to the truth and see that I’m not an awful person who ‘terrorises people’ (others words not my own), and be there for me when that time comes. And, if my life experiences distress others by reading them, then imagine what it was like for me to live through them. I will always be affected by those experiences. I just wanted a friend and to feel safe in this world… but instead, I was made to feel the opposite. And a load of accusations thrown at me that I didn’t deserve and is only justifiable because society doesn’t understand. There is no way that I can expect anyone to ever see sense because they can’t relate to my life or what it is like trying to live with a brain that isn’t ‘normal’. I’ve given up trying to get others to understand because all it’s done is get me convictions that I did not deserve. I may never get a job because of them and the label of criminal has other implications due to having to declare that you’ve got a record on official documents. I would be completely accepting of it if I hadn’t got my convictions due to problems relating to my disability. I could even accept them if they were related to my disability and they were sex-related convictions because I can totally see the relevance of sex offenders being convicted due to the fact that these acts are morally wrong. I would entirely accept the convictions if I had been maliciously hassling the other person. That wasn’t the case though. I was merely trying to reach out to someone and then they completely misread everything and made a load of allegations against me of malicious intent. If I do find my name is on any register, then I’ll be seeking legal advice and taking legal action if needed. Especially if I do make enough progress to actually ‘change’, then I will fight even more to not be added to registers I don’t deserve to be on.
I tried to go for a walk (not as long as normal), it wasn’t nice trying to walk up a hill with my knee swollen because it made it feel sore. It was quite swollen when I got in but after I rested it for a while it has gone down a bit. I really want to get back to the Gym. I got restless last night because I’m that used to walking miles and going the Gym at least once a week. I have tried to exercise because I’m aware that my stomach is getting more fatty. Those exercises don’t involve using my leg.
I’ve had all the cats trying to be as demanding as possible today. I tried to make the bed and Mimi decided that she was going to keep going to the spot I moved her from to make the bed. I ended up holding her in one arm and moving the bed covers in the other, then I placed her back down in the spot she wanted to be. Then, Dave decided that he was going to come and sleep right on top of me nearly when I was on the sofa earlier. That is unusual for Dave. He has an independent streak in him. He isn’t the type to come for cuddles etc. I have Mimi next to me at the moment (she always cuddles up to me nowadays). Mister is his normal self. He doesn’t change and always gets himself into scrapes due to how nosey he is. He is quite vocal and always walks passed me meowing. The worse thing they do is literally sit on my folder or any other paperwork when I’m trying to do college work. Then Mister and Mimi start play fighting and Dave tries to get involved. I have to split that up. Mimi just walked over the laptop and nearly deleted this whole entry.
I have fiery red hair now. I dyed it last night. It’s only up to 12 washes semi-permanent. It stays quite a long time in my hair because I have natural auburn tones. It’s technically just enhancing my natural colour. I have brown hair with an auburn tinge naturally. I’m just putting on a colour that brings out the base tones in my hair. I got red all over the bathroom and had to clean it up last night before I went to bed in case it dyed the sink etc. It is Friday 13th, you can’t take any chances, even small ones. I haven’t had anything go wrong… yet, there is still approximately 3 hours left of this day. I had stomach pains earlier and on any other day I’d be like whatever the painkillers I take have those effects… however, because of the date I got worried. I’m sure that one day I’ll be in that state one day but I’m not ready to quit them yet.
I have random thoughts come into my head at times. I was thinking about various things to do with my life today and then a very random thought came into my head. I’ve had so many people tell me there is ‘something about me’. I’ve always known that deep down. What if I’m supposed to be doing something to change society in some way, but I’m not doing it? What if I’m not following what my destiny is supposed to be? If I can’t get into that position because of having a record so no one will give me a chance to be in that position. I did say that I have a very random brain.