It’s been a long week but I’m happy to report that I achieved yet another good grade on my GCSE law assignment that I submitted earlier on in the week. I got 87%. I think that may be the highest grade I’ve achieved so far out of all the assignments I’ve done on that subject. I’m starting to get my memory back but still a bit forgetful. I think it was the stress of knowing I had to get through everything somehow and I wasn’t sure I could do it. I didn’t really get through it because I keep waking up screaming due to the memories of being in the cell etc. I’m going to be living with these effects for a long time, especially if the order stays on because it’s making me paranoid. I feel like other people are going to set me up because they want to destroy me. It may all be in my head, but to me, it is very real and I find myself continually on my guard and unable to relax due to the restraining order being indefinite. It cannot be forever, I don’t deserve that. I made mistakes through lack of experience and my disability combined. I can’t take being unwanted forever. I just wanted a friend, regardless of assumptions made by others. I needed a friend desperately after losing my son and no one really understands what I went through.
Anyway, on a more positive note, I have also passed my Wicca Diploma. I achieved a Distinction. Here are my certificates below:
And, I’m attempting to come off the painkillers again. I will probably need them within 24 hours. I don’t think I’ll ever properly get off of them. I have tried and I know the dangers. They cause a slow painful death. The only positive thing about that is not knowing when it will happen. The stories I’ve heard is that those that have succumbed to this kind of death suddenly get ill out of the blue and within a week they have passed away. I don’t have the strength to stay off of them. I believe that if it’s meant to be my path, then that is what will be. I do sometimes want to lay down and never wake up again because my life has been a huge struggle. There are times that you want to just give up. And, if this happened to me in the foreseeable future, then I would accept it because I’m tired every single day due to health problems alongside painkiller abuse. I cannot do the things I used to be able to do and that is frustrating. I do get quite depressed over it and I am tearful in general at the moment.