Relief!

I went to my probation meeting with the person I’m assigned to today. I’m only required to spend 20 sessions there and it doesn’t involve unpaid work (like I thought by what I heard at court). I’m kind of relieved because I’m still stupidly tired right now. I may look better, but I’m not over anything yet. I really want to be over it. But, I feel so betrayed and lost. I still don’t want things to be this way forever but I know that I’m not good enough for anyone to want me as a friend in the future. I don’t deserve this long term. I’ve learned that to be accepted by those I like, I must be what they want (even though this doesn’t come naturally to me). Karma has worked here…

Anway, the sessions are probably going to be consisting of dropping in to see the probation officer once a week. There isn’t a lot in my locality apparently. The woman’s group that I have been passed onto may not even run because last time the majority of the women didn’t turn up to it (despite the fact that these requirements are mandatory or you are recalled and, in most cases, imprisoned). I did want to do some work experience, but I was just concerned about not being able to turn up when my health issues kick off. The tiredness I experience to the point where all I can do is stay in bed because even to get up is like climbing a mountain. Then, there are times like today when I’m going through that ‘time of month stuff’. I’ve been through two pairs of trousers because it’s been that bad. It’s not as severe as the last couple of months but still, causes me inconvenience and embarrassment. I find that it helps to keep moving because it gets that part done and out the way. It’s better to be that way for one day, rather than resting and it occurring for two days. I have to cancel my plans at times when it is at it’s worst. I’m so glad that I wasn’t ‘on’ this time last week because I was in the cells. That would have been even worse of an ordeal. 

I’m quite tired, so this entry is going to be left quite short tonight. Goodnight.