I feel damaged after everything :(

I am constantly on edge now that everything has been concluded. I fear that others are going to stitch me up on purpose because they wish to do me further harm. I’m fearing for my own safety. I have no money left because of the whole court battle regarding the order. I’ll barely be able to afford my rent after I get paid next week. I have to sort my hair out because it is a huge snappy mess at the ends. If it doesn’t get snipped, I’ll lose the growth that has spent a very long time to achieve. I have more and more wild eyebrows too and they join in the middle which makes it look worse! I can’t have my eyebrows done now because my hair needs fixing (due to pulling it when I was in meltdown mode in the cell). I also can’t sleep because I keep having dreams of being trapped in a cell etc). I was sick last time I woke up from that dream. I woke up screaming and got a headache. I’m thinking of asking victims support if they can put a camera outside my flat that I can link up to my iPhone so that I can log into it at any time to check the flat and the cats. I don’t trust anyone and I need to have this option to literally keep an eye on everything at all times. I need to make sure that everything is recorded in case I’m accused of anything maliciously. 

I also can’t sleep because I keep having dreams of being trapped in a cell etc). I was sick last time I woke up from that dream. I woke up screaming and got a headache. I’m thinking of asking victims support if they can put a camera outside my flat that I can link up to my iPhone so that I can log into it at any time to check the flat and the cats. I don’t trust anyone and I need to have this option to literally keep an eye on everything at all times. I need to make sure that everything is recorded in case I’m accused of anything maliciously.  

I’m freaking out because I’ve seen 1 magpie on their own several times today. I saw 999 on the way to court in the van the other day and just seen 1919 (hate this number because I believe it means bad luck). I have seen a stupid amount of 555’s on various car number plates the last few days. 555 is also one of those numbers that I do not like and I have seen it a hell of a lot recently. 555 has been linked to accidents etc. It means major changes, but whether they are positive or negative changes is something causing me great fear because I don’t know which to expect. I’m so used to negative circumstances that I do not feel that there is any possibility that it means a positive change in circumstances.