I have just spent a whole day in custody awaiting court and I’m extremely lucky to still have most of my freedom! I have since come out and blocked everything relating to the other person on all social networks. I do not want them linked with me at all after this! I got 18 months plus 12 weeks concurrent sentences suspended and any breach either restraining order or not turning up for probation courses and 20 hours unpaid work will result in me having to serve that. I thanked the magistrates in tears and told them how grateful I was for their decision not to imprison me by activating the suspended sentence. I would have spent 18 weeks for each of the three breaches of restraining order. And I think 12 weeks on top so that nearly 2 years in prison in all. The court costs were wavered but I had to pay £100 victim compensation (which is being concurrently being taken from my benefits. I’m not paying it all at once this time because right now I feel traumatised and think after paying £400 previously all together then that is enough for now. It is coming out my benefits with the rest so I don’t need to worry.
I found custody horrendously hard last night and I missed my cats so much that I was in tears. Luckily I think my mum and half sister went over mine with my spare key to feed them… but apparently they lost Mimi (quite easy to do because she’s got a habit of squeezing into the smallest, most obscurist places ever). However, she was found this morning hiding behind a curtain. She’s extremely attached to me though. She is mostly the one that curls up and sleeps next to me at night and sometimes during the day when I’m having a snooze. Mister and Mimi were asleep next to me when the police came to arrest me. I am 99% sure that I will get off the bus outside my house and Dave will be running towards me meowing.
I cannot wait to get home to wash my hair and have a bath/change my clothes. I will definitely need a hair trim now because my hair is ripped. I need to deep condition it to see how much of the ends I can recover. It’s getting quite long so I need to try to preserve the length as much as possible. I pull my hair when I’m anxious and obviously it is worse when you’ve been in a cell and not able to brush your hair for two days.
I need to get these clothes off because they smell of the cells. I found those smells extremely difficult to deal with last night. I hated a glimpse of that life. I don’t know how it doesn’t put people off, or may be I’m just a prim and proper girl like a person I know who has done a lot of prison told me. I know for sure that I am not tough. I seriously need to learn to stick up for myself properly. So they’re probably right.