I’m feeling, unlike anything I have felt before. I don’t know how to describe it. I’ve taken some blog entries down because I do not want to look like an ‘active aggressor’ despite the fact that I am not happy about being talked about behind my back. I honestly do not want the hassle. I never wanted to fight in the first place, and quite frankly, I just want everything to be over… no more childish behaviour. I don’t need it and it’s time that a line was drawn under everything and everyone goes their own separate ways. I can’t even think straight right now, so I am in no fit state to stay involved in that stuff. I can’t remember everyday things now, let alone make sense to anyone else.
I couldn’t even concentrate on my Maths work today. I wasn’t really ‘present’ because my head is so far away right now. I feel like my body and brain are at separate ends of a pole right now. I went for a two and a half hour walk this evening (fitness iPhone app timed it). I kept walking and didn’t even feel like I’d walked because I literally wasn’t really there mentally. I managed to ‘zone out’ without even trying to do it. The best thing about this state is that there is no way of feeling any emotions. I’m numb because I’m ‘far away’ mentally right now. I’m not ‘feeling’ anything and time goes quite fast because I’m not present enough to make it drag. I haven’t felt very well and then mentally I went like this… I don’t know what to do for the best. I at least don’t feel stressed being as detached as I am right now… but on the other hand, it’s weird feeling absolutely no emotions. I’ve always been an emotionally driven person. That has always been a flaw of mine. It may do me good to be this laid back and ‘detached’ because I may be more focused (however not educationally if I can’t remember stuff!). I can’t write flowingly though because it’s taken me an hour to type just this small bit of text.