Tired, but made an effort.

I woke up feeling exhausted but I made myself get up and go for my home to ASDA and back walk (this is about two hours because it’s in the next town, so it isn’t just down the road to the shop and back). I feel more awake now but I’m still tired. I couldn’t just sit around anymore. I didn’t feel like I wanted to do it most of the way until I was on the way back (which seems to feel less far than on the way to wherever). It’s done now and I hope that my weight goes back down! I wasn’t able to stop eating whatsoever because I just got so hungry. I’ve been having fruit and yogurt when I’ve felt hungry. It’s working because it takes off the really severe cravings to eat a load of sweet sugar/fat-laden snacks. I have a really bad habit of reaching for muffins and iced buns. I’m quite pleased with myself because I’ve had chocolate muffins in my cupboard all weekend and that isn’t something that normally happens…. normally they’re gone within a day and I haven’t even started them. I know this sounds weird, but I’ve not had the energy to eat. I’ve spent the last few days working from my bed. I have even had so little energy that even thinking is an effort. I really don’t like paying for a Gym membership that I can’t use due to how I’m feeling. I did try to use it but I feel like I live miles away from the Gym. It is quite offputting because it takes 15 – 20 minutes drive to and from the Gym. I spent about 1 and a half hours at the Gym. I’m technically spending the same amount of time in the Gym as travel time. 

I still cannot remember things and I think that it is definitely going to stop me progressing in education. I can’t remember topics we covered in Entry Level 3 Maths last term. I may just have to accept that I’m never going to have the education that I’d like to get. If I can’t remember the basics, I’m certainly not going to remember Undergraduate degree level and Masters /Ph.D. because it’s a lot more complex. It’s so frustrating because up until a year ago I was okay and didn’t forget anything. I sometimes forget if I’ve already done a task. I had to ring someone about something the other day and apparently I’d already done it the day before but it had completely slipped my mind. I have no problem with long-term memory, but that doesn’t help when studying because you need the short-term memory in order to convert revision to long-term memory. I don’t like those that are educated speaking down to me. I’d have loved to have been educated to a high level… but I haven’t had the opportunity. That doesn’t make me inferior. I didn’t choose to have learning disabilities, just like I didn’t choose to have these memory problems. I’m not intelligent. I tried my hardest to be that way, but it’s not in my capabilities. I know that trying to be friends with others that are intelligent are only going to get me ridiculed. I don’t understand many large intellectual words. I do not have a logic driven brain. That will set me apart from any intelligent people. 

I kept seeing triple numbers today… all of them on car number plates while I was walking. 3777, S777, J777, 222 (about 2 cars), 555 (a few cars), 999 another few 777’s drove passed me but I can’t remember the letters that were on them. It’s definitely a sign of some kind. I have no other explanation for it.