This is what I want/need.

I think that it is only fair that I should put this out there to avoid any ‘misunderstands’ or ‘accusations’. I want to be clear on what I want, but mostly what I need now. I don’t have the intention to make ‘demands’ or ‘call the shots’. I just don’t want others to wrongly assume things anymore. This is going to be quite short because I’ve gone on about it enough over the last 2 years. 

I need to cut all links with everyone and everything that has been negative towards me here. There was once a time, up until recently, where I would have done almost anything to be friends with the other person. I don’t feel that I could ever go there now even if they did change their mind at some point. I am really shy with those that I like and I cannot face them. That is partly one of the reasons why I’ve always been single and even when I have gone out with someone (not in a serious relationship capacity) I didn’t feel anything for them in that way so I didn’t find it hard to interact with them. I will always care about the other person… but I’ve decided that regardless of what the future may bring, I don’t want anything to do with them ever again. I do miss them and this made it even harder to combat my OCD traits. It’s hard when you catch feelings because emotionally it makes it harder to deal with. I will always have some feelings there but I just want peace. Peace without the court case, charges etc. I can’t deal with that because the stress is causing me to get ill. I am agreeing to never speak to one another again. And, I know that this is something that will shock everyone else involved because I’m normally extremely stubborn. I realise that even when I see the other person’s name I just want to run and hide from them. I no longer want to push my agenda because I can never make them care or feel anything for me. I tried to make them see that I was worth knowing but I made a huge hash of it. It is irreparable now and I know it’s going to take a while for me to ‘get over’ it.

I won’t be staying around here anyway. I no longer have the email address that I used to email them on. I will still have the website and social network profiles, but I use them for that purpose rather than socialising. I’m not going to be leaving a forwarding address or allowing myself to be in the electoral roll as a public entry. I hope that other person involved has a happy life. I’m sure it will be ten times happier without me being anywhere near it from what I’ve heard. I hope that others will take into account what I need and hopefully decide to work with it rather than against it.