Hurting so much, and come to a decision.

I am hurting quite a bit. But this decision is not due to how I feel. I have gone through everything in my mind. I have been neatly in tears all day. I did cry when I got home. I have practically forced myself to eat but I don’t think that I can eat meals right now. I’m just not hungry. I only made it because it was about to go out of date and I didn’t want to waste food.

Anyway, let’s get onto the decision that I’ve made. I want to move away. I have looked at flat exchanges because I am still in my rental period. Otherwise, I will have to wait until it finishes (and that is another thing on a long list of things that I have forgotten). That isn’t for a while yet. I will consider relocating anywhere that isn’t south because of the extortionate rents down there.

I can no longer stay in an area where I am made to feel left out and others gossiping about me behind my back making fun of my social retardation. I find that so hurtful. Then after I retaliate against unfair treatment, they turn around and accuse me of being a bully. I have tried to bare this area, but now I’ve found things out, I psychologically need to get out before it does cause me to have a breakdown. I despise the system around here. It’s a dead end area that gets around its failings by hyping up it’s multicultural aspects. I will not reach my full potential here because I can’t truly leave the past behind. There’s far too many memories that I’d rather forget. I’m not close to my family so I’m not losing anything by moving away. If I stay here many more years then I will end up taking my own life or someone will make sure I’m thrown into prison. I only remember being bullied, made fun out of and pushed around when it comes to this area. I know people from growing up here but that isn’t always a good because they know my past.