Female weight issues! Ffs ugh…

I weighed myself tonight and have regained the 3 lbs that I lost last week. I am very bloated too. I hate it. The only thing I did this week which I didn’t last week was eat breakfast before I went to sleep and started taking the painkillers again. It’s not that easy not to take the painkillers when you have a massive migraine come on due to stress.

I know that my organs complain about medication usage because before I got pregnant while I was still living down south, I ended up in hospital (previous suicide attempt). They gave me tests and told me that I had protein in my urine. That’s a sign of organ damage. And this was about 8 years ago, the fact that I tried another suicide attempt recently probably has caused further damage. I do notice a visible bloat every time I take them now. I keep feeling a twinge in my stomach and it was really noticeable more than normal yesterday and today. I’m tempted to just chuck the painkillers in the bin. I will get withdrawals though but if it’s damaging me I can’t risk taking any more. I’ve never had any adverse effects before. I did go to the gp about wanting to quit them but they basically told me to go home and figure it out myself. The same kind of attitude I’ve got every time I went to get mental health related help. I get stomach pain a lot but that twinge felt quite wrong and worried me. It was on the lower side of my abdomen just above my hip.  I can’t even describe it because it wasn’t really pain but soreness and felt bubbly in only one area.

I can’t take this weight gain and bloatedness anymore. I have tried so hard to lose it and I don’t even overeat. I’d love to be slim again but I don’t think age will allow that. I’m pushing 30 and everything is widening … it probably wouldn’t have been so bad if I’d not had a child, at least I wouldn’t have the stretch marks. I’m only fatty around my middle where I really do not want it.