Monetary targets equal no moral decisions!

After I woke up and checked my mail today. I got a letter from the magistrates’ court saying that they didn’t understand what I wanted them to do but they also couldn’t do it. This proves that the target system is being abused by keeping cases in court that should never have been there in the first place. Think about it, I was never in trouble with the law in any other county that I’ve lived. We are and always have been an underfunded county. I think that this is why there is so much selfishness within our system and in various social groups here. It’s exactly that ‘every man for himself’ attitude that will never lead to positive progress in our area.

The police have been given extra targets on anti-social behaviour and the local cps has similar targets. These targets aren’t being used for burglary etc. Those don’t even get recorded around here. All the system practically constantly ignoring the reasonable adjustments clauses within the Equality Act (formerly disability act before its incorporation) and the Autism Act 2009 is being ignored when it comes to complex Autism Spectrum traits. There are already apparently 50% of those in prison with a form of ASD. I feel that most likely is because these legal requirements are being ignored. It’s a matter of fact that a lot of situations that get into court with a defendant who has a form of autism has got there because there were no proper attempts to resolve the situation they found themselves involved in. Litigation is a way that society gets away with not making accommodations or supporting those of us with forms of more complex Autism. I was the victim first in this situation, yet I am the one that gets treated extremely awfully when I’ve retaliated. I don’t think this is fair. The university ripped an opportunity away from me that I very much wanted to do. It was made worse that I was promised that this would help me by several parts of the university, but I was then put through disciplinary. I got punished for being honest and this is how it’s been throughout the case too. I was opening up to the other person. There is absolutely no malice intent and if I’d been told the truth by someone way back, then I wouldn’t look such an awful person now. I genuinely did not understand anything, mainly because I wasn’t told in a way that I could see what others were trying to teach me. I wasn’t even diagnosed as a child, so I missed out on learning a lot of things. There is a huge difference between someone that does something on purpose and someone who really hasn’t a clue what they’re doing. I was always naive enough to think that others would understand my disability if I plainly explained it to them when I met them. 

I was opening up to the other person. There is absolutely no malice intent and if I’d been told the truth by someone way back, then I wouldn’t look such an awful person now. I genuinely did not understand anything, mainly because I wasn’t told in a way that I could see what others were trying to teach me. I wasn’t even diagnosed as a child, so I missed out on learning a lot of things. There is a huge difference between someone that does something on purpose and someone who really hasn’t a clue what they’re doing. I was always naive enough to think that others would understand my disability if I plainly explained it to them when I met them. Unfortunately, no one has that ability if they haven’t been through my experience of living with my condition from the inside. I regularly get into debates in regards to being able to see small factors that others just do not have the ability to grasp. I don’t know how they can’t see the small details that I am observing. I have been right about things and ignored because others just couldn’t get it. That has led to negative outcomes. It can get frustrating when you can see something and you’re trying to tell others to avoid negative situations occurring and no one else can see it. That is how many of the things have gone wrong for me in my life. I can’t fight seemingly bad karma on my own unless others listen to me. I remember trying to spell it out to some of the other staff that I have some form of involvement with at the university that I was going to get kicked out if no one stood up for me. Instead, they all did the opposite. It doesn’t help when everyone sees you as a freak. I would have loved to have stayed at the university. I felt that I was meant to be there. Maybe that was only fleetingly though. Despite this horrible situation now (which hopefully ten years down the line, or something, will be long forgotten about), I met the most wonderful person that inspired me there. If I could have chosen a Mother figure, it would have been them. And I don’t want things to be this way forever. I work very hard nowadays to reach my goals despite being regularly kicked down because others don’t understand me. But, I’ve learned to tell others exactly when they’ve got it completely wrong. I still let other people’s perceptions and assumptions get to me though because it makes me feel terrible about myself. 

I regularly get into debates in regards to being able to see small factors that others just do not have the ability to grasp. I don’t know how they can’t see the small details that I am observing. I have been right about things and ignored because others just couldn’t get it. That has led to negative outcomes. It can get frustrating when you can see something and you’re trying to tell others to avoid negative situations occurring and no one else can see it. That is how many of the things have gone wrong for me in my life. I can’t fight seemingly bad karma on my own unless others listen to me. I remember trying to spell it out to some of the other staff that I have some form of involvement with at the university that I was going to get kicked out if no one stood up for me. Instead, they all did the opposite. It doesn’t help when everyone sees you as a freak. I would have loved to have stayed at the university. I felt that I was meant to be there. Maybe that was only fleetingly though. Despite this horrible situation now (which hopefully ten years down the line, or something, will be long forgotten about), I met the most wonderful person that inspired me there. If I could have chosen a Mother figure, it would have been them. And I don’t want things to be this way forever. I work very hard nowadays to reach my goals despite being regularly kicked down because others don’t understand me. But, I’ve learned to tell others exactly when they’ve got it completely wrong. I still let other people’s perceptions and assumptions get to me though because it makes me feel terrible about myself. I’m extremely insulted by the extra charges added because my intent is not what I’ve been accused of and I know all these new-fangled laws can be manipulated to make a case against anyone acting innocently with no malicious intent.

I just can’t listen to that and if I do attend court then I will say it took a lot to even turn up, and psychologically I cannot discuss the details of the case. The trauma of being accused of intent that I never had is just too much for me. This has been a whole set up so I do not deserve it. I’m owed an apology for how things have been handled, but I won’t get that because that will be others admitting that they’ve made mistakes and I could take that further. That’s something I wouldn’t do but it is so easy for a person to change their mind, especially if things went against me (e.g. I do end up in prison on Monday). I’m genuinely not that type of person though. All I’ve ever wanted is to be liked by other people and be able to settle down. I cannot do that in this county because of how they do things here. And, as I said last night, I  can’t afford to move right now. I also still have many months left on my flat’s lease. There is always an issue with finding another accommodation when on benefits now. It’s quite complicated getting housing benefit set up from another local authority and you always need a substantial amount of savings to make up for the shortfall while waiting for it to be approved. If I could write a book and get it published and selling consistent copies then I could get the money together. I just have no idea how to write a book because they’re so long and keeping an idea flowing is difficult for me. I would really make an effort though if it was my ticket out of this county because I know that I have always been safe from the law in many other counties (those without conviction targets).