I don’t know what to think…

I apologise for my outburst here and on social network earlier. I had an extremely severe migraine (the type that make you feel sick and feel like someone has put an axe down the middle of your head). That’s not even an exaggeration. I had to go to bed early (9 is extremely early for me) because I felt so bad. I woke up in the middle of the night to get a few things done. If I go to sleep about half 5, then I will get my normal sleep time in. In all honesty I haven’t been sleeping well which probably accumulated to the migraine.

I honestly do not know how to feel. None of what has happened should have been allowed to get out of hand so far. There should be a process that fixes these kinds of systematic messes. On the one hand I care about the other person involved. Then the other half of me hates them for signing the contract and doing the reports. I hate feeling torn like that. I like to know where I am in regards to how I feel, but right now I feel like a rope is tugging me due to the process continuing in regard to the case completely on its own fuelled by the cps and their target driven convictions. This is the worse outcome that I feared. They’ve made it impossible to ever mend the bridges that I need to do at some point in the future for my own sanity.

I was so brutally honest about things earlier because I’m fed up of assumptions. I’m not a malicious person. However, I’m at my wits end with the arrogance and ignorance in this area. I’ve lived in other areas and found them a lot more understanding and they never branded me a criminal for my problems. This area however, consists of underhanded dealings and due to that, complete misuses of power.  The elites and their families get away with everything and the rest of us get scapegoated for everything. I lived down south and you’d think due to having to be more well off to reside there that it would be like that, but it really isn’t. It is competitive down there but different groups of people mingle more and this decreases the ignorance and intolerance of differences. We really need to encourage that up here. The Easy Midlands seems to be quite clicky and ignorance fuelled, very controlled by the higher ups on the system. I’ve travelled up and down the country most of my life so I am in the position to make a comparison.  I never wanted to come back here, which makes everything that has happened feel worse to me. I cannot afford to move at the moment but that is my long term plan. I will be heading to one of the areas that I know are more tolerant, but it won’t be down south unless I manage to secure a very good employment opportunity. 

And, speaking of down south, I think it’s quite funny how others think I have a ‘posh’ accent. I still have my twang from this area as I grew up here. Apart from the fact that I do not miss ends off of most words and pronounce things as they’re said, e.g Barth rather than bath. I also have a posh way of saying certain swear words that others find quite funny.