Certain things have to be said…

I haven’t slept the whole of the night. I apologise that I’m a slight bit grumpy and this may come across in this entry. But, certain things have to be said and, even more importantly, others need to listen before I completely have a nervous breakdown from everything. I live in a small area and I’m aware that people talk. That idle gossip, made up by completely arrogant individuals, leads to assumptions made about me. Let me put this straight, anyone running their mouth about me seriously doesn’t have a clue! You’re bullies that like to pick on the weaker ones who are different. I know more than those who continue to ‘give it all that’ behind my back realise. Those that are ‘running their mouths’ about me have no idea that some of those that they’ve said things to have told me everything. I admit to not being perfect and I’ve made mistakes in my past. But, no one (most of those doing it don’t even know me properly) has the right to say some of the things that have been repeated to me behind my back! Those things are truly awful and just shows how ignorant the people creating this gossip are. 

I am truly suffering right now and I don’t need others gossiping about me behind my back. You have absolutely no idea how much I hurt over everything and how much it’s affecting my everyday life. The only person that ever truly understood me was my Dad. In a cruel twist of fate, life took him away. I knew that it was going to happen, but still, now I’m left with no one. I used to help my Dad with his physical disability and he was like a second brain to me. It was never the same after he passed away. I’m not wanted by the rest of my family because they don’t understand me. Just like no one else understands me. I’m truly alone and have no support. So please don’t give it all that behind my back. I just want to be loved, but no one can love this freak.

I’m not gifted so that only equals weird. No one likes weird. They only want the gifted, just weird is always the ones left by everyone. If others don’t do the right thing soon, I will just go ahead and end my life because every day is a struggle. I hate waking up in the morning (if I manage to sleep). I despise existing because of whats going on. The only way it will all end is if others see that they made an awful mistake and I was practically set up. I’m being forced to live a life that I cannot stand anymore because of other people’s assumptions and inability to face up to the fact that what has happened was a huge mistake. It wasn’t purposeful on my part. I wasn’t fully informed and others have to take responsibility for how things are dealt with. I miss someone I can never see again because of people making mistakes and doing things behind my back. And, it seems no one values me as a person because I’m the last to be informed of what everyone else seems to have been in the loop with for over 2 years. Others have to face up to the fact that mistakes have been made and, whether they wanted to or not, the harsh truth is that they’ve inadvertently ruined many aspects of my life. The issues can’t keep being avoided, others have had long enough to either own up to their part in the situations that happened or had long enough to block everything out.