I am convinced that I cannot take what is going to happen to me. The system has to have practically ‘set me up’ because the new information I have passed over doesn’t seem to be changing the cps or courts mind. I know that as soon as I get to that court. I do not have a solicitor because I am that convinced that it won’t matter. They want a prison sentence for me. And, since I caught everyone out on the contract thing, they probably want to make an example out of me even more. It doesn’t help that no one understands my disability because they don’t have it. And, Asperger Syndrome is not classed as a mental illness, therefore the courts don’t use the mental health guidelines when sentencing. They won’t give me a mental health treatment order, the prison option will be chosen instead. I received a suspended prison sentence last time I broke the restraining order. In straight forward terms (according to my Law GCSE folder material), this means a breach will mean a defendant will go straight to prison when they’re recalled for committing another crime.
It is obvious that no one understands Asperger Syndrome in that court, because they wouldn’t have made an order and then made the length indefinite if they realised how distressed this order on my name for life makes me on a daily basis. People with my condition cannot stick to orders of behaviour prescription. The extreme anxiety these orders causes us, leads to overwhelmed feelings, which results in a melt down… then you have a breach. The courts aren’t sorting the situations out. That is what I needed all along. I should have known all the information that has come out recently, a very long time ago. Instead, it was kept from me and that was not the best idea because it’s led to all of this unnecessary stress for both of us involved. I can potentially take the heartbreak of rejection from someone I really looked up to and positively adored right from the first day that I met them. I wouldn’t have even minded being friend zoned (in fact probably preferred it) because I saw them as a Mother figure, rather than an intimate partner potential. However, I’m not able to get over all the legal things that materialised from that. I can no longer trust anyone. I’m always in tears at night because I’m so traumatised by the whole situation. I’ve become extremely distant with friends and family because that is how it’s affected me. I no longer go out socially. The order on my name will come up on social services records forever and if they are passed on then this will lead to risk assessments where I end up being rejected from things I really want to do. That is why I was so against it. Unless you’re a child who grew up in this system, you don’t know how legal stuff goes against you in every day life. I am aware that the other person thought it was all about them. It wasn’t at all.
I have recently made a discovery that I’ve practically been lied about by services behind my back. Again, no one will believe me because those lies were written to discredit me. It annoys me even more because I do not have proof of the things that I know are lies. It is hurtful that the system seems to have involved those I trusted to back them on lies. I’m pretty sure that the contract the last person signed most likely wasn’t the only occasion where I got ‘set up’. I’ve only ever been treated this way in the county I’m in now (the one where I grew up) and I am well aware that they have conviction targets and are extremely under funded in local authority services. For those with behavioural related disabilities, this is a seriously bad combination. They get failed by literally every service going and get used as a conviction target. I know I’m not the only one that’s been treated like this. They also used my son as an adoption target too. I have spoken to those with disabilities like mine that have taken the local authority to court over lies found on their records. But, there is obtaining proof (which I do not have). I can’t prove things that happened many years ago (some things from my childhood) which have been written down wrongly or things written by those that have made assumptions due to not understanding my disability (after all in childhood I was undiagnosed). There are things that I know aren’t true. e.g. violence. I’m not a violent person. I couldn’t fight even if I had to. I have only ever said things in anger, but that was only after I’d been treated terribly. I can only take so much. That isn’t my true character. It happens to every person within the system, if they react to the awful ways they’re treated because of the lack of understanding of their condition, then their character gets completely rubbished in system notes. It also takes a lot of money to take on government agencies because the legal aid system doesn’t cover that type of case. I would consider it if I won a substantial amount on the lottery (which most likely has a 0% chance of happening, seeing as I only do the lottery once in a while).