I have well and truly messed my sleeping pattern up. I can sleep during the day, but not at night. It’s getting extremely annoying because I’m not getting important things done. I need to make a final decision in regards to whether I start my open university modules and have to contact them to let them know either way. I do want to do it, but right now I’ve committed myself to way too much already. I have to get at least a C in the Law GCSE (so that I have passed 5 GCSEs after I get my Maths as well). I’m going back to do my Maths at the local adult’s college. I was supposed to be on the rota for the online job that I do, however, I let them down today due to having virtually no energy. I have no organisational skills whatsoever when I’m not in a ‘normal’ (well normal for me) sleeping pattern. I am really starting to be affected by my lack of support network. I literally have no one that I can trust around me. The actions of the system have destroyed me. I’ve not received the help that I deserve. I certainly didn’t deserve all that has happened. There’s only so much that I can take before it completely breaks me. And, if I’m totally honest, it has broken me beyond repair. I was crying out for support and love, but all I got was rejection and misunderstood.
On a positive note, I’ve already made my initial appointment to discuss how I go about donating my eggs and have the necessary tests to ensure that physically things are okay to go ahead. I’m off to donate blood in a few weeks too. I was sent away last time because they weren’t sure I was physically healthy enough to go ahead with it.
I was watching ‘Educating Manchester’ earlier. I cannot believe how many young school girls are getting pregnant nowadays. I’m 30, it was extremely rare when I was at school. If one girl in the whole of a school year found themselves in that position, that was how it was… not several girls in a year. It’s shocking. I wasn’t prepared for a baby at 25, let alone 15. They don’t understand what they’re getting themselves into. If I could do my whole life again, I wouldn’t do any of it the same. It took a long time for me to settle down. I’m not quite settled now. I know that people still see me as young enough to turn everything around. However, I feel that once labelled, there isn’t much hope of doing that. If I could wish to be 16 again, then I’d love to go back and reverse everything. That kind of miracle is just impossible after all these years have passed.
In all honesty, mainstream education systems are designed to fail those of us that are different. Thier routines go against our natural way of life. The social norms are somewhat alien to us and there are more and more parents in the UK opting for home schooling to avoid their children being labelled and subjected to punishment.