I can’t talk about things.

I don’t know how others expect me to talk about everything in court. I can’t even talk about it to anyone right now. It’s hurting me too much. I feel like I’ve been made a fool out of behind my back. It hurts me more to talk about it. I know that I can’t handle it. I’m not trying to evade punishment. I literally can’t enter that environment or even talk about all the things that happened. I can’t even think about them without getting extremely stressy and going into meltdowns. I know that no one is going to believe that I was unaware of certain things anyway. I’m just going to be seen as a bad person intentionally. I’m never going to get anyone to understand my disability. I know that as soon as I go there, I’ll be put into prison no questions asked. That is what others think that I deserve. I know that it doesn’t look like I made an effort to do what others wanted. But, I did and it was never enough for anyone else. I’m also broken hearted over the situation and other things in my life. I honestly can’t understand why I’ve been treated so harshly. I didn’t do anything on purpose. I didn’t even know anything that I should have been told for two years. If I’d have been fully informed then things wouldn’t have got this bad and both of us wouldn’t hate each other at this point. I’ve never been told the full facts that went on behind my back since I first started getting into trouble. I’m praying (not like me because I have no belief in a God that would be in charge of this world due to the awful things that go on) for a miracle. I am aware that there is absolutely no chance that I will get one. However, to not have to talk about what occurred and go to the court, I’ll pray etc.