I don’t make a habit of saying things in regards to trolls because they take it as a sign to lay on the trolling big time. However, I really can’t take people having a go right now. I don’t deserve to be punished or picked on for genuine errors I made in my past. I can’t move on if people keep holding things against me. I didn’t know any better at that time and, in the most recent events, I was in a bad place after my son’s adoption. I’ve apologised. I can’t make others forgive me or the system lay off of me for everything that happened. I’ve had to apologise for my disability traits. That is a must if you know that others don’t understand those issues. I can’t do anything else and not even trolls should hold me against the wall slapping me with the same things again and again.
The added stress of knowing the whole truth (not just from recent life events, but also previous) is tearing me apart. That is mainly because I cannot prove that I was set up in any of those circumstances. I’m not a person that keeps a record of things. In hindsight, now I know what I know, then I probably should have done. I just don’t remember to write things down. I know that I should be doing that because if I’m going to be working eventually, my head literally won’t remember it all. Plus, my short term memory is getting more awful. In all honesty, though, how can personal records really be relied upon when it comes to some kind of legal proof? We could all write anything in our diaries that may not even have happened. So, it’s not a fool proof way of proving anything. I have no small nugget of proof that I have been set up. The authorities make sure that happens. I proved it in my son’s adoption case (however my solicitor lost it) but it disappeared from the evidence file.
The worse thing is that because I’ve been intensely annoying (maybe not on purpose but with my OCD traits), no one believes that I’m not how I’ve been portrayed. I know that I was a fool to try to lay things on when communicating with others. I didn’t see how it could potentially backfire if I found out there had been set ups throughout my life. I pushed everyone away by accident (because I just couldn’t chill out about everything) and now I have no one to care that I’ve been set up from the start.
In the most recent case, it doesn’t matter what I say, they’ll still convict me and say I’m guilty, regardless whether things that weren’t very ethical or moral were done behind my back which resulted in everything that happened. It will still be my fault. It will be my fault that the system failed me and basically manipulated the situation. I don’t understand things anyway. I go into meltdowns and say things in anger (as what happened) because I get scared if I’m that confused. I wasn’t completely innocent. I said things that I didn’t really mean. I have apologised for them.
However, by pursuing the case (and even keeping orders on my name), I’m effectively being scapegoated for the whole thing because I’m the one being plastered as guilty. Those within the system who were involved that handled the situation completely wrong (those at the university too) should be shoved in the court because in some respects they’re just as guilty. Every one of us had a part to play in that situation. I’m always lectured about taking responsibility, but absolutely no one else who was involved in this situation is doing that. I see others taking the moral high ground, but not morally doing the right thing. Instead of holding their hands up and saying that they made mistakes in my case, they’re letting everyone point the finger at me and I’m the one that must be punished. I don’t even want anyone else to get into trouble. I just want fairness okay.