Sympathy is not required.

I broke down on FB live about how I truly felt about things early this morning. I then get people that have been giving me a hard time for a long time suddenly apologising for their attitude towards me throughout what has gone on. I do not want anyone’s sympathy. It’s not going to change anything that has happened to me. There were people who chose to be nasty to me and saw me as scum throughout everything I’ve had to go through in my life. I spent many hours alone when I needed someone to just understand things from my point of view. It is far too late now to ‘come around’ and stop ‘pulling strips off of me’ for how I feel, the way my autism/mental health problems affect me and my point of view. It’s not going to get the whole situation reversed that I didn’t deserve this time or anything in my past changed. 

I have kept myself constantly busy since my son was adopted with my consent disposed of due to social workers seeing my condition in a negative light. I honestly don’t think that any of the university situation would have happened if I hadn’t still been mentally affected as badly as I was at that point. I have not stopped at all. I know that I seem cold to others in regards to my son. I have to be. There’s nothing I’d want more than for him to be still with me. But, the best I can hope for is for him to return to me after he reaches 18. This may not even happen. I will be in my mid-40s when he gets to that age. I have to spend the next 13 years ish keeping myself busy so that I don’t hurt over what happened. I’ve found that no one truly understands unless it has happened to them. I didn’t deserve it. I never did anything to my son. I’ve suffered because others don’t understand my disability. I’m not ‘bad’. I genuinely don’t understand things. Instead of teaching me and making me understand, others have punished me. I’m fed up of hearing the same crap from those that don’t have my condition. I never used my condition as an excuse. If others lived a day in my shoes, they’d understand how hard it can be, and that I certainly don’t use it as an excuse. But, I’m absolutely fed up of trying to drill it into others that this isn’t the case.

It’s hard living in a society that doesn’t understand you as a person and sanctioned because you just can’t be what others demand. Those without children cannot possibly understand what it feels like to have a child ‘removed’ because you’re not what others call ‘normal’. Until you actually have a child, you do not have the hormones needed to understand any of that. I can honestly vouch that I was sceptical about pregnancy and having children changing me as a person. It is actually true. The hormones really do change you. I was never as tearful or empathic before I went through pregnancy and having my son. I find that I’m so empathic that I feel others pain and care too much post pregnancy and having my son. It’s extremely embarrassing. I never used to be the kind of person that sees something in a film or in everyday life and just wells up with tears. That was until I became a Mother. I was even fine when I was pregnant, to the point where I thought the concept that all that sort of thing changing a person was a load of rubbish.

 Also, those with children don’t understand because they still have their children with them. They can try to imagine all they like, but it’s impossible if they’ve not been in that position. Also, those that have lost children to death, may know how grief can affect their lives. But, it’s torture grieving for a child that you know is still alive and that you cannot see and possibly won’t ever see again if they don’t want to find their birth family.

11 thoughts on “Sympathy is not required.

  1. boohooo… All i read here is one of your desparite attempts for attention. Guess what you deserved to have your son removed! You deserved to be removed from the uni and you deserve the punishments that will come to you in the future. Stop whining like a little b*tch. You are pathetic.

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  2. You are a stupid mother fucker dude. Leave her alone. Why don’t you say something to me you little cunt pussy ass mother fucker. I’d like to smack you with a mace repeatedly. Say some shit to me you coward of essex or where ever you live. This woman deserves respect. She says what’s in her mind be it right or wrong and a big cunt like you has and have no grounds to judge. I would recommend you leave her alone, want to fuck with someone, fuck with me. Got it Mate? Or will I have to verbally assualt you and then maybe … Well let see. I could pluck out your brains and the find out why you are so fucking deranged to drive this woman over the edge. A kind heart wouldn’t say the shit, i and I mean shit, big fucking piles of shit. Shit over your head, that you do you pathetic excuse for a human being. You make me ashamed that I’m even human because of that callous shit you been spouting. What God given right do you have you stupid cunt of a cowardly bastard. Shit I’ve known chimps that showed more compassion then you show. Hell I’d rather lobotomize myself that do the horrendous kind of shit as attacking a woman that is trying to work things out in her mind. Oh thou art a stupid cockless coward of a bastard. Shit I was born a bastard but you sir or mam or what ever the fuck you are, make bastards look like a pile of human shit, just like you. If you spoke that way to my face it would probably ever used your tounge, it you were lucky. You don’t want to know what would happen to you if you are unlucky. I’d skin you ugly face off while you screamed and show you your ugly face, but not in a mirror you gutless pussy bitch. So I’d suggest you leave this lady alone from now on. You want to say something, say it to me. I’m a grown assed man and I know you don’t let people attack others like that. I wonder, are you fucking actually physically handicapped? Because if you aren’t, you might just end up in that condition some way, some how. Karma is a bitch and you my clueless excuse of a bastard. One day, some way what you got coming, will find you. Trust me I worship the goddess of luck and luck goes with karma, on day your luck is going to run out, then trust me you are going to pay for the evil you do you coward cockless fuck of a cunt. You push people like that? Yeah can’t wait til you get what is yours and ruthia and lims cragma the goddess of death will tell my prayer has been answered you sub prime dis respectful bitch. You know I once knew this little bitch just like you. This fucker did shit to make people hurt. He got what he had coming and trust me … So will you. Fucking coward.

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  3. Look me up on Facebook. I ain’t hard to find. Send messages if you want. But look at the size of the insanity you will have unleashed on you. Take a look at my pictures and read my thoughts. Do I look like a mother fucker you want to fuck with? Do I sound like a mother fucker that you want to fuck with the friends of? If so send a friend’s request, by all means send it. I’ll accept then I’ll know who you are. You can see what I am all about. Mr Joval might be showing up around you soon. Joval is a crazy clown, just like me…..

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  4. Bro. Let me tell you, not even VPN programs are full proof. You are astoundingly stupid to think that sometime you won’t slip up. Trust me. Keep saying shit. Sooner or later you’ll fuck up. When you do that’s gonna be the shit to see. Leave this woman alone. Don’t like what she says, don’t read her blog. Now I’d be wondering about that pain in you legs and arms. What pain? What pain you ask? Well that we shall see. I’m sure you might just drop down into the dirt.

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      1. Why don’t you look me up on Facebook ya coward and send a friend’s request? Didn’t think you had the balls to step from behind that screen you use to hide yourself. Cowards and pussies always hide behind a computer screen. Just search for John Rue Avery. We know you won’t.

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