I can’t live with the stress that is constantly on my head in the outstanding situation. It’s literally making me ill and I’m not getting anything done in my flat. I have a sore throat. I sleep all day because I don’t want to take the pain of how betrayed and hurt over everything that I truly feel. I’m constantly on edge. I’m putting weight on and for the majority of the time that situation has been going on, I’ve had long term health problems (can’t go into too much detail with that one because it’s quite a personal department).
I have hair that snaps and skin that peels all the time. I get nail breakages. I’m eating fine. In fact, the proof of that is my weight gain. It won’t stop going up. I got annoyed with the scales earlier because I know I’m not over eating and now I know the stress is causing weight gain. I can’t get rid of that stress though. I’ve done what the other person wanted now. But, they will not close the case. I had to know what had gone on behind my back and if I’d never done that, then someone wouldn’t have told me. The other person has milked the whole situation as far as I’m concerned.
They know that I’m nothing to fear, yet they’re saying the opposite behind my back. They’re using the situation to advance their position within the university that kicked me out. And I’m the one having to endure all the crap. And it was assumed that I wouldn’t figure it out eventually because of my Autism. I know everything (even the parts others think I’ve ‘missed’)! I’ve been told half of it and dug up the rest of it. If things aren’t sorted and canceled due to the bullshit that went on behind the scenes, then the stress is either going to kill me, drive me to suicide or a breakdown at the very least. A so called normal person couldn’t deal with all this, let alone someone with my condition. The fact that the subject drives me to hit my own head repeatedly and screaming shows that it’s not affecting me like a person without my condition.
It’s a million times more distressing to me, especially since I found out that I was practically set up to fail by those involved. I bet my the majority of my health problems would instantly get better or at least be less severe if I got a notification that the charges against me had been lifted at some point. It feels like a huge heavy weight on me. This whole situation was caused by lack of communication by the right people at the correct time.