Changing Directions.


I was so sure about which way I desired to go for a very long time. However, I have completely changed my mind over the last week. I have decided that I’m going to take the Open University route. I’m due to start the first modules for BA (Hons) in Psychology in October pending finance approval. It is only going to be on a part time basis because of the other subjects I’m currently doing alongside it. I need to get my Law GCSE passed this year. I also have to work on my Maths (and I can’t see me actually getting to pass the GCSE level for the next two years… it takes me 4 years to get the degree).

I won’t be able to do A Levels until I’ve passed that pesky Maths GCSE. That is why doing things this way means I can effectively catch up quicker. I would like to be up to undergraduate level by the time I am 35 (5 years to go) so that I could probably study a masters degree at a brick university. I want to go to doctorate level, so I really need to do the foundation education asap. I’m not trying to rush things, but 30 years has already gone by so quickly. The next 30 years could go by and I’d have absolutely nothing to show for it. Then the scary thought is that I am 40 in ten years. In the next decade, I will have no more opportunity to have children and I will be starting to age with wrinkles. That thought makes me sad because I don’t think I will get to have any more children and most of my life has been full of painful memories. I literally remember every single horrible thing that has either be done to me, said to me or said about me. That has made me the broken person that I have become. I took the things to heart that others wrote about me. I started believing that I was an awful person.

I also have other plans which wouldn’t be able to happen as easily if I was attending university for my degree. I want to focus on experience (because I do not have a lot of work experience). I enjoy the writing projects that I’m getting involved in. I feel that at least I have something in print or published to illustrate that I actually have some form of talent, rather than striving for qualifications and failing to show some aspect of what talents I possess. I have a rather ambitious plan for the website alongside my open university Psychology degree. I would like to create a course on ‘bridging the gap’. This is basically teaching others that are ‘normal thinker’ to ‘think differently, more like someone with autism or any other diagnosis’. It’s going to take a hell of a lot of research, planning and organising before it is even possible to create a course that will be effective to teach the ‘normal brained’. This probably won’t even happen this year or even next year.