Social Anxiety :(

I woke up this morning with crippling social anxiety. The type where I simply cannot go out to be around other people. I cancelled all my plans. I just can’t do out in the world right now. I saw that Anne Hegethy (one of the chasers on the chase) is now diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. I wish that I’d been diagnosed at that age. It was a burden being labelled as different as a youngster. There is a limiting capacity associated with being plastered as a label when you’re young.  

Those that are the 40s, 50s, even sometimes in their 60s, have had the chance to get everything in life that is classed as the normal progression. I also feel that this has a bearing on the fact that they grew up in a time where there wasn’t so many rules and regulations. They didn’t get seen in a bad light because they could not stick to behaviour classed as normal by these modern expectations. Those generations say that they didn’t have so many opportunities as the ones that followed. That maybe true in some respects, however, it wasn’t so important to be able to fit into rules and regulations then. The stupid situations (which is how mine started) wouldn’t get to that point if the system was how it used to be when they were growing up. There was common sense back then. There is absolutely none in the system now. 

There is all this talk about how society has ‘progressed’…. that is completely untrue. In some respects, it is in fact worse. I want to see a change in the system. Our current education system is teaching their students that they have to follow the system like drones. They don’t get taught that they can change the system by making an effort, especially working together. 

I’m getting frustrated today because it is A Level results day. I am seeing certain universities advertise their services on twitter etc and it is getting to me. This is because of my own experience. I was let down. There was a comment made about the university not being ignorant or have bigotry. That is complete rubbish. The reason I’m in the legal position that I am in today was totally due to that kind of attitude given towards me. I was never supported to the point that I got so frustrated that I kicked off and now the other person has judged me forever on the nasty things that I said to them. I won’t ever be treated fairly because others refuse to understand my disability. The disability affects are not a choice, just like it wouldn’t be if I was in a wheelchair and couldn’t walk or was blind or anything along them lines. There was no attempt to listen to my point of view or how I felt. That was disregarded and I was treated as an evil person.

This is how everything has affected me. I was able to cope for a very long time. Until it has finally got under my skin so much that it’s torn me apart. I can’t go out anymore. I have to cancel plans because my social anxiety is so severe. They’ve added extra problems on top of the issues I had relating to my disability. It’s making me very depressed. The fact that people have told me to ‘cheer up’ or ‘be positive’ after what has been done to me is out of order! Others have to recognise that they’ve damaged me beyond repair and today I have literally been in tears.

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