I am now going to turn all my negatives into some form of positive here. It is what someone requested earlier. The pity party stops here. We’re all given aspects of our lives that we just have to ‘deal with’ and I’m going to try my best to ‘deal with my lot’. It won’t be easy and I will feel the way that I am doing now on occasions. However, I do not have to stay in this moment. I do not have to think about what situations I’m having to deal with every second of the day. I need a break because it is driving me literally crazy. I can’t ‘let go’ properly if I’m constantly thinking about the past events when I’m trying to get on with other things.
The first thing I’d like to embrace is ‘thinking like a child’. I can see things from a different point of view. On some occasions and situations, this may be an asset. A child has not learned to judge the world and people around them by the category of their attributes. eg. race, age, LGBT, disabled etc. I don’t see any of those things as a factor for division between people. We are all part of the same species, regardless of what category we fall into. I see the world through innocent and naive eyes. I know that people do bad things to one another because I see it around me. However, I believe that everyone has the innate ability to be a good person and to be kind to one another. They just need to find the key to unlock that part of them. The negative events of a persons life can shape their personality. We are just reacting to our environment. Positive environments bring out an individual’s innate ability to be a good and kind person. I’m jaded by my experiences. But, I know that when I find my way and settle in life, I will bring out my innate inbuilt good side.
The next positive thing I have to be grateful for is the fact that I have a flat. It is only rented, but at least I have a roof over my head. I do not have to rely on my family because I live an independent life due to being able to drive etc. That is the flip side of being classed as severely disabled because if I wasn’t then I wouldn’t get the benefits to be able to have a flat due to being under 35 years old. There are people having to use food banks (even those that are working). I’m comfortably able to afford food. I’m not a lazy person and I put things back. I give money to charity every month and volunteer. I’ve had time off recently due to the college holidays and needing a rest due to my health issues. The fact that I was diagnosed with a brain tumour as well made me need time to process that news. That has also turned out to be positive because you realise how you’ve taken life for granted and it awakens a part of you that makes you appreciate life. It could have an impact on my behaviour issues but
I’m not a lazy person and I put things back. I give money to charity every month and volunteer. I’ve had time off recently due to the college holidays and needing a rest due to my health issues. The fact that I was diagnosed with a brain tumour as well made me need time to process that news. That has also turned out to be positive because you realise how you’ve taken life for granted and it awakens a part of you that makes you appreciate life. It could have an impact on my behaviour issues but there is no way of proving that. It’s in my frontal lobe which does have a part to play where impulse control and social communication occurs. The day I found the news out, I no longer wanted to be the person I had been. I wanted to make up for everything I’d done wrong.
I have two very lovely cats of my own. And, then I have the other one that turned up on my doorstep. They are like my children and a huge comfort to me in times of stress. I spoil them rotten. I love them so much. I’m fortunate not to have children because this creates a sense of freedom for me. I miss my son. But, he’s better off with the adopters. I am not the type to be a mother and bring up a child. I at least know that he is with a family that wanted him and will give him all the love he needs. I wanted him but I didn’t estimate what motherhood was going to be like in reality correctly. I was on my own and somewhat confused as to how the bringing up a child reality worked.
Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert Blog 