I am aware that others might slate me so badly for this honesty. However, I need to say it plainly and clearly. I do not wish to cause the other person embarrassment. I need to say these things for my own benefit. And, I don’t see why I should care how they feel because it’s been made pretty obvious to me that they don’t care how I feel. I am angry at the other person for everything that has occurred. But, I love them. I’ve never felt this way about another person in my whole life. It’s not just a crush. It’s a feeling of true love. Even though there was a part of their whole energy/persona which scared me. I am not exaggerating when I say that I am broken hearted and completely lost right now.
It doesn’t matter which way the other person swings because I’m totally not willing to do anything intimate or sexual with them. I’m not interested in that sort of thing with anyone. I know that their friends will tell me I’m wasting my time being prepared to wait for the other person. I’m giving them space. I’ve stopped contacting them as per their wishes. That was difficult to do. I was giving up on everything that I truly wanted. I will continue to want that, but because I know that I love them, I respect their wishes. I hear that there is some truth in if you love someone you must set them free. If it is meant to be, then they’ll return some day when the time is more suitable. It certainly isn’t now because of many aspects surrounding both of us. As I cut the emotional cords while I type this entry, I am in floods of tears. I don’t want anyone’s comments because now isn’t the time for brutal honesty. I’m broken enough having to forcibly let go of someone I truly loved.
I don’t need anyone telling me how stupid I am or any other negative comment. I really can’t take it right now because this is a horrendously painful thing I’m having to do due to the fact that right now there is no other option. I loved her so much. More than she will ever know. And I know it sounds stupid because I made that decision after only knowing her for a few weeks. But, you just know when you’ve met a person you instantly feel loving towards. She’s broken my heart walking away. But, I wouldn’t want to ruin her career. So, I know that I have to go because right now there can be no compromise.