Emotionally suffering :(

I’ve spent half the day in bed because I feel that crushed by the truth. I truly cared about the other person and all the while they just wanted to get rid of me. Then telling their mates things about me behind my back. I may have been nasty at times due to the situation. However, I wasn’t giving it all that behind the other person’s back to those that I see as friends or my associates. I am very distressed that potentially others have been laughing at me behind my back all this time. That hurts me like having a knife stabbed in my back. They all look at me like a fool who let the other person get away with their campaign of hate towards me. That’s how I see it after how I’ve been treated. I was just a piece of entertainment for them and their friends make fun of. The hope that they’d come back into my life at some point is the only thing that has been holding me together over the last few years.  I literally feel like I have no hope whatsoever now. The rug has now been pulled from under me and I feel that I have nothing to look forward to. I fell out with my support service over the 

The hope that they’d come back into my life at some point is the only thing that has been holding me together over the last few years.  I literally feel like I have no hope whatsoever now. The rug has now been pulled from under me and I feel that I have nothing to look forward to. I fell out with my support service over the whole situation and now I have no services around me. I’m struggling at times but I have no way of getting back into services as I’d have to go back on a waiting list. Those waiting lists are extremely long. It may take years to get them back. I have absolutely no motivation to do anything that I need to do. I just want to sit here and look at the wall. I can’t just ‘get over it’ straight away. Especially with the court case still pending. It would be so much easier if that wasn’t lingering so that I could properly move on. I’m going to find discussing the matter and hearing all the things from the prosecution emotionally devastating. It’s going to rip me apart emotionally to the point I’ll be destroyed as a person. I’m already half destroyed. That will fully knock me to the ground. 

Especially with the court case still pending. It would be so much easier if that wasn’t lingering so that I could properly move on. I’m going to find discussing the matter and hearing all the things from the prosecution emotionally devastating. It’s going to rip me apart emotionally to the point I’ll be destroyed as a person. I’m already half destroyed. That will fully knock me to the ground. It’s crushing everything I ever wanted and making me feel like an evil person in the process. I would have never put the other person through a legal process. The prosecution twists everything and makes you believe that you’re the evilest person alive. And I started to see myself as an awful person. I hated myself. That is the main reason why I tried to commit suicide. I couldn’t deal with the words used by them or the things that one of her friends said. I never made my mistakes on purpose. I was following what I needed. I’m still young and when you’re my age you follow your feelings regardless of circumstances. I do feel

I do feel strongly that I deserve some form of compensation for everything I’ve been through. If I got monetary compensation from the local authority, the university and the other person involved. Then I could have enough to move out of this area. I really need to do that because I can’t stand living around here any longer. Especially now I know what has been being said behind my back. I had to give up my place at university on a course that I’d wanted to go most of my life. I was thrown out because I was led to believe that the other person was sticking up for me due to the fact that they told me they would. I’ve got shoved in court to the point where even walking past a police station or court, my anxiety levels are extremely high that it makes me feel ill. I’m constantly on edge. I do not trust anyone. I don’t feel that I will ever be able to get into a relationship for a very long time because of how it’s affected me. I’m starting to go out less and less. I’ve got addicted to painkillers. It’s affected my grades. I passed most of my GCSEs but didn’t do my absolute best because of all this. I deserve some form of compensation.

2 thoughts on “Emotionally suffering :(

  1. Having such malignant people do thing right behind your back is very disconcertning putting it mildly.Like the previous poster may you find closure as well.

    Liked by 2 people

Comments are closed.