I’m currently wishing my present circumstances away. I cannot deal with them. I have tried to get my point across to others recently. I can’t make others listen to my point of view regarding any situation. I’m that desperate to wish it all away, that I’m even wishing I’d never met the other person involved. I am that upset with them at this moment in time. I feel totally betrayed. I know that I did the wrong things now. But, they betrayed me too. The whole court thing being carried on is a huge betrayal. They have their wish now. I actually never want to see them or hear from them again in my whole life. I can’t help the way that I feel about things. I believe in being honest, and sometimes honesty hurts. I used to have respect for the other person. I used to miss them and care etc. However, now I feel nothing because of the betrayal that I feel. We’ve destroyed each other and everything became so toxic.
I wish that I had been able to understand things because I wouldn’t look such an awful person at this point. I hate looking like an awful person. I tried to do my best but it was never good enough. I could never be what others wanted me to be. I really cared, but it looked like I didn’t and was intentionally being difficult. A part of me will always care because I’m that kind of person. However, another part of me will always detest the other person due to the events that are materialising. I feel let down and like I’ve been handed over to the evil part of society for my problems instead of receiving the understanding and reasonable adjustments that I should have done at the beginning of this situation when I was still at university. I was severely failed by all involved and the other person obviously doesn’t care about me as a person, otherwise, they would never have taken the actions that have done towards me. I don’t want that crap about ‘trying to help me’. That isn’t true. I’ve heard it a million times in my life when others are only trying to help themselves. It doesn’t matter about my interests because they don’t count due to me being a ‘vulnerable adult’. I don’t have a voice that is taken into account in any way. I just have to put up and shut up. This isn’t helping me and it never will help me. It’s made my life ten times worse. The fact that I got to the point where I tried to end my own life should make that quite clear. I didn’t take that decision lightly. I took it because I saw no way out of the hell that surrounds the situation.