I am beginning to mature. It is a weird process. I’m doing things like smelling my clean washing and thinking to myself that it smells lovely. I promised myself that I would never do things that. I found myself doing it automatically without conscious choice. I knew that it would creep up on me one day. I just didn’t think I’d start maturing at 30. I’ve always been years behind my peers and I don’t feel the age that I am in a few months. I don’t see things the way I used to do. I’m so much more cautious than I have been previously. I am spending less and less time online because I just cannot be bothered with all the negative aspects of social networking. I used to have my social network profile set to appear online constantly on my iPhone. But I’ve taken that off now because when I’m ‘offline’ I do not wish to be disturbed. If there is a message that needs replying to which pops up on my phone then I reply to it. But otherwise, I leave it until I log in to my laptop.
I am not on my laptop that much now. I have an old laptop which crashes a lot (since my MacBook died), so I only log into it when I can be bothered to contend with its errors occurring due to its age. I cannot afford a new laptop and right now it isn’t a priority. I’ve had to go private to get therapy/medication after being severely let down by the mental health services. It’s going to cost me approximately £140 a month including sessions and medication. The income that I have left over is going to redecorate my flat (cat damage) and convert my second bedroom into a study/office space. I need to pay off some credit too. Therefore, buying a new laptop is certainly not going to happen anytime soon. It’s all about priorities and this is what I’m trying to do here. I certainly wouldn’t be thinking like this if I hadn’t matured. The younger immature version of me would have borrowed again on credit to replace the laptop and not ever get around to the other priorities.