Late night honesty…

I am simply unable to sleep tonight. Therefore, this is the perfect time to be completely honest about how I feel. I’m certain that the whole truth hasn’t been told to either side of the case. I was led to become angry at the other half and they’ve been played off against me. The things that started this case wouldn’t have been said if my support service hadn’t done what they did. We have to work together because I don’t want conflict. I never wanted to hurt the other person involved. I reacted things and did that by accident. 

It seems that outside influences are continuing to push us into fighting each other again and again. I hate fighting in whatever circumstances. Whether it’s a punch up on the street or in a court arena (like this case). It is vital that we are both made aware of the full facts by the third parties involved. I don’t need the extra stress of what is happening. I’ve done what others have asked me to do now. Even though it was very hard with my OCD traits. I need it to be over.

I’m not well. I have to have an ultrasound at the end of this month. I’m hoping that it won’t come back that something is wrong with me… but it might well do because I have been too ill for there not to be something serious. I can’t deal with all this on top of feeling ill all the time too.

I know that there are ‘rule books’ to follow. However, there are also morals too. There seems to be absolutely nowhere in this whole situation that these are being applied together. Morally it is unfair to put me through a whole court case which could lead to prison because of a stupid situation that got out of hand. The situation wouldn’t have even got out of hand if I’d been informed of certain information way back when everything happened. I hold my hands up to the fact that I did the wrong thing. It wasn’t meant to cause any harm. I have to be specifically told things that at the time I wasn’t informed about. I’m sick of the whole thing. I just want it to be finished. It’s dragged everyone involved down for the last 3 years. We all just need to break away from each other and end any proceedings because I don’t think it’s fair that I am scapegoated.

I genuinely made mistakes because I wasn’t fully informed. I’m not an awful person for purely being socially thick. If it was a crime to be thick, then at least a quarter of the population would probably be thrown in court on some form of charges. I am very fed up with the whole situation because I feel persecuted. The other person is also affected by everything. There is no attempt to help you understand a situation. They just don’t tell you from the start and even my support told the other person not to talk to me. Then they made out to me that if they cared they’d get in touch. That was cruel and now I’m getting the blame for everything because the charges are going to my name.

The powers that be have to start being honest because I’m prepared to be very blunt and direct to force the truth out there if they don’t start doing the right thing. I wouldn’t even consider taking legal action if anything has been done wrong. It means more to me that the truth comes out and it takes all the charges away.