Today I heard some news from my solicitor that will definitely result in me getting a prison sentence. I’m actually getting charged for telling everyone I’d had enough and was going to commit suicide. I did actually attempt it because I’ve had enough. It wasn’t to get at anybody. I told everyone the truth regarding what had gone on. I don’t deserve any more charges on my name for doing that. It is horrendously cruel. I can’t even do court. But, people are forcing me to be put in front of somewhere where I don’t belong. I don’t ask people to understand my disability. However, I do ask to not be punished for how it affects me.
I genuinely made mistakes because until the other day, I was not told how it was affecting the other person involved. I was never told that from when the situation started. I have always told others that they need to categorically spell it out to me. This wasn’t done for over 3 years after everything had happened (which could have been avoided). It is something to do with this area because when I lived down south I never was targeted by the law. I’m sick of being used for their targets. They get money for every conviction they process in this area (look it up and you’ll find it is true). I don’t deserve this treatment. I did what I did by accident. I wasn’t fully aware of the facts until very recently because I was not told. I don’t understand why the other person wants to hurt me so much. They know fully that I will get put into prison. They also are aware that the things that happened was my disability traits. It’s not fair if they’re being threatened by their work either because that forces them into a decision that isn’t in my best interests.
I never did the things I did on purpose. But, the system is purposefully doing this to me. Punishing me isn’t going to achieve anything. I’ve not received any support or understanding, which helps a lot more in this situation. They’re spending so much money in court, when they could be putting it into services to help people so that they don’t end up in court. It would actually be a lot cheaper. I was hoping that common sense would prevail. It seems that there is none around here. Unless things change at the last minute (which the probability of that is less than 1%), I’m going to be put through something I do not deserve. I’m sorry. I wish I could change what happened. I can’t do that though. I’m thick and naive but being punished for that isn’t fair. I try my best but it’s never good enough. I would never have been able to ‘lose my ocd’ as demanded. I explained my whole disability on here last night. I don’t want to fight with anyone. I’m being pushed into feeling hate and bitterness. I’m trying to get away from that because I’ve felt that all my life. I was starting to move on but now I’ve heard this today it’s opened a huge wound again. I know that people could help me out if they wanted to. They are hell bent on thinking that I deserve it. I do not. I’m not a threat to anyone. I have a sting in my temper and can say terrible things when I’m angry. But, really I am a pussy cat in a lions skin (not sure that is actual terminology but I’ve coined it now). I don’t really have a choice about the bitter sting because I’m on the Scorpio zodiac and that is a trait. I was pushed into a very unhappy situation where I thought that I had to fight everyone. I cared about the other person and hated myself for saying those things. I hated myself too when I found out what it had done to them. That was half the reason I tried to commit suicide out of guilt. I just want it all to be over. I can’t go through anymore. I was just being honest.