I can’t say too much. The new visitors are not aware of the full facts of what the entry was talking about earlier. I can’t go into all the details. I also don’t know the details of the new charges. However, I only know what has happened on the dates that have been emailed to me by my solicitor. I got kicked out of a university three years ago. I was led to believe that the tutor involved had intentionally made me get thrown out of university and didn’t care. I found out recently that my support service at the time told the other person involved not to speak to me. And that other person had to sign a contract to that effect. I really want to go back to the university but there was no understanding of my disability because they seemed to focus more on punishment than reasonable adjustments. I was very honest about my disability and past. I got given a criminal record previously many years ago because of my behaviour problems. The support service that I had told me I couldn’t go back to university and they wouldn’t help me fight the exclusion (even though I was given a chance to appeal).
Obviously, I wasn’t very happy about not being able to go back to study at the University. Journalism was something that I always wanted to do from a young age. I had conflicting negative information circling around me for a while and eventually I couldn’t take it anymore. I said some vile threats using something that had been said in class. I will always hate myself for those things. I don’t want to go into details but I would just like to point out that this isn’t normally who I am. I was very frustrated because I felt that no one was listening to me. I had support and even they kept dismissing how distressed I was over the whole situation. I finished with them eventually because they weren’t taking any notice of how I felt, let alone supporting me. They were well aware that I couldn’t stick to the restraining order because of my disability traits and this was also put into reports to the court.
They kept sending me back to the same support service which wasn’t being helpful. I was stuck in a horrible situation where I felt that my emotions were constantly being abused. I was trying to reach out to the other person. This has gone on for over 2 and a half years. I tried to tell everyone what I had found out recently because I don’t think it is fair what has happened and just wanted the order to be finally off my name. After finding out that it was my support staff that told the other person not to talk me and there was a contract that they had to sign. I even told the court what I’d found out.
I couldn’t follow the order. I made that clear to the court when they put it on. I wasn’t being intentionally defiant. I was being honest. A few weeks ago, I was that distressed over everything that had happened (not helped by an associate of the other person), that I got suicidal and decided that I’d rather be dead than go through any more proceedings. And, quite honestly, there is also a tiny part of me that will always miss the other person. I don’t want to ruin their career. But, this isn’t fair on me either. The numbers I started seeing since I met them and other weird things must have meant that we were meant to meet. This whole situation has ripped me apart. I was always honest. That is why I am annoyed that I’ve been punished for that honesty. It makes me feel like never being honest about myself again. However, this would feel unnatural to me.